Never Just Friends
by HElizabethG
Summary: What do you do when you're in love with your best friend? You avoid. What happens when avoiding isn't an option anymore? You run into the fear to get your happy ending. MerDer, In no way is this a DerRose story.
1. Avoid

**A/N: I know this is the 3****rd**** story I'm working on now and I probably shouldn't have posted it until after finals and finishing another story but… whatever. I don't know exactly how this idea popped into my head but it did. So pretty much Meredith and Derek have been friends their whole lives. That's all I'll tell you because the next few chapters will explain the rest. Italics are flashbacks.**

**Disclaimer: I asked the New Years baby for Grey's Anatomy but since he's not Santa… I didn't get it so I still don't own it. **

***

Staring off into the New York skyline, Meredith Grey sighed. She looked down at her desk once more. It felt like the white piece of paper had sprouted eyes and was now staring back at her, forcing her to make a decision. Seattle. Why did the medical conference have to be in Seattle? He was in Seattle. With his girlfriend…his girlfriend who looked like a horse…his girlfriend who he'd been dating for about a year. She couldn't tell the chief that she wouldn't be going because she'd seem like an idiot if he asked why. She'd have to tell him that it was because her best friend…who she was in love with lived there. She could lie… That was the answer. Lie to the chief! Which would be bad. Very bad. No lying to the chief.

In the past 3 years she'd only seen him a few times. She told herself that it was because of their busy surgeon schedules but she really knew that it was her avoiding him. Sure they talked on the phone almost daily but…that was different. When she talked to him, not face to face, it was like they were only best friends with no feelings. When she saw him…her heart skipped a beat. So she'd been avoiding seeing him.

Now she couldn't avoid anymore. She could just not tell him she was going to be in Seattle…which wouldn't work because she couldn't lie to him or hide anything. He knew her too well. He was the only one. Anyone else she could hide from but…not him. "Stupid mind reading brain man," she mumbled to her self. So she had to tell him. If she told him then she'd have to stay with him…in his very small trailer…where she walked around shirtless a lot. She sighed and put her head into her manicured hands, lightly rubbing her temples with her fingers. Suddenly she was jolted from her thoughts at the ringing of her cell phone. "Grey," she answered quickly.

"Mer," the voice of her best friend said teasingly, "am I not on your caller ID? That would make me sad…"

"Shut up. It's a reflex to answer like that," she responded, a large smile gracing her delicate features. "I didn't even check the caller ID."

"How was your day?"

"My day was…normal. You know practice work and what not," Meredith answered sitting back in her large black leather chair, smoothing her pin straight skirt as she did so.

"Any good cases?"

"I installed one shunt… that's it."

He laughed. "I still can't believe you haven't found away out of that…place."

"I refuse to work in a shit hospital! At Sinai Dr. Quinn was never going to retire…he's ancient!" she exclaimed. "The practice may not have been where I placed my self when we were interns…or now, but…it's better than being the 40 year old resident."

"You tell me this about everyday. You should move out here…there's an empty spot in my department for an attending," he said hopefully.

"Don't tempt me," Meredith joked back.

"I miss my best friend," he whispered sadly.

Meredith sighed. Even though she couldn't see him she knew he had his "puppy dog" eyes on. It was a very good thing she couldn't see them because she knew that if she could then her bags would be packed and she'd be moving to Seattle. "Well," she smiled, "then it's a good thing that I'm leaving in the morning for Seattle, Washington."

"What?" he asked happily. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"Chief Scott gave me an invitational letter to the neurosurgical conference this afternoon."

"What time do you get in?"

"Twelve."

"I'll be there," he promised with a nod of his head. "And you're staying with me."

"You really don't-"

"But I want to," he interrupted her mid sentence, not allowing her to protest.

"Fine," Meredith sighed.

"Aw don't sound so excited," he teased. "I have to go," he said sadly. "I promised Rose we'd go out tonight. I hear her car pulling up now."

"Have fun," she told him, trying not to let her jealousy out.

"See you tomorrow," he mumbled.

"Bye Derek," Meredith whispered.

"Bye Mer."

Putting her Blackberry on the desk in front of her she sighed. Avoiding Derek was obviously not going to work, not that she expected it to. He was…Derek. He was the kid she saved in kindergarten with the raven curls.

_A confident Meredith Grey walked towards her new school. Her dad had dropped her off, gave her a kiss, and told her she'd be great. She walked towards the main entrance. Noticing a small boy with raven curls, holding his mother tightly she walked over to him. He seemed scared and she felt the need to help him. "Do you want to walk in with me?" she asked him. _

_The boy turned to look at her. He shook his head no. "Come on Derek," his mother pleaded, bouncing the small girl she held in her arms up and down. "Walk in with her…then you'll have a friend."_

"_I don't have friends either," Meredith uttered. "Who's your teacher?"_

"_Mrs. Vershay," he mumbled, still clutching his mother. _

"_Me too…we could sit together," she told him. "My name is Meredith."_

_Suddenly feeling more comfortable, Derek let go of his mother and nodded. Meredith extended her small hand to him. He took it gratefully and they walked into school together._

"_Was that your little sister?" she asked him._

_He nodded. "I've got four sisters. Nancy is 14, Catie is 11, Kathie is 8, and Amelia is 1."_

"_Whoa," Meredith said. _

"_I'm the only boy," Derek told her. "Besides my dad. But he's a man."_

"_I don't have any siblings," she frowned. _

"_You could have one of my sisters," he told her seriously._

"_You don't like them?"_

"_No," Derek said. "They're not very nice…Kathleen is the meanest. She pulls my hair and bites me!"_

"_That's not nice," she agreed. They walked into the classroom and sat together._

***

"Bye Mer," Derek said, ending the call.

"Der?" Rose called into his trailer. "Who was that?"

"Meredith," he called back, from his sitting position on the bed. She walked into the makeshift bedroom frowning. "What's wrong?"

"It's just…you talk to her all and…" she trailed off, tears falling down her cheeks, "we never do things together any more and I just... I love you so much and I just want to spend time with my boyfriend."

Derek sighed, running a hand through his hair. Whenever Rose wanted something from him she'd resort to crocodile tears. He usually ended up placating. Opening his arms Rose stepped into them. "I'm sorry," he placated. "I'll try to spend more time with you."

"What about tomorrow for lunch?" she asked hopefully.

He shook his head no. "I'm picking Meredith up from the airport at twelve."

"She's coming here?" she asked, scowling.

"Yeah she's staying with me," Derek nodded, ignoring his girlfriend's scowl.

"But Derek…I'm your girlfriend," Rose told him.

"I realize that," he said. "That's why I'm taking you out tonight," Derek told her, standing up. "Meredith is nothing more than my best friend," he lied. The truth was…Meredith was his everything. She was his strength, his best friend, his family…the love of his life. He knew that he really didn't love Rose but she was a nice girl…mostly and she loved him…a lot. So he obviously couldn't break up with her. But the truth was…one loving look from Meredith and he was gone.

Rose sighed. She really didn't like his relationship with Meredith. They were too close for her liking. It was obvious that she was in love with him. But Rose promised herself that she'd never let McDreamy get away from her. So part of that was pretending to be fine with Derek's relationship with Meredith. "Okay," she sighed. "Let's go out."

"Okay," he nodded walking towards the door.

***

**A/N: I hope you liked it! This is going to be a lot like season 5…but they'll be friends. I kinda used the way I met one of my best friends for this story… I was Meredith. She was the crying little kid. **


	2. Run

**A/N: I'm so happy you all liked this story!**

***

Meredith looked at her watch as her plane descended into Sea-Tac airport. She knew in about twenty minutes she'd be staring into the crystal eyes of her best friend. Smiling at the though of seeing her best friend, Meredith felt the plane jolt, signifying the landing. "Attention passengers," a flight attendant said over the loud speaker, "welcome to Seattle, Washington. The current time is 11:45am," the flight attendant continued although Meredith stopped listening. She smiled at the familiar landscape outside her window. Clouds covered the dimly lit sky; giving Seattle it's rainy look although it wasn't raining. Departing the plane she quickly hurried though the terminal, quickly stopping only to go to the bathroom.

Grabbing her bags off the belt, Meredith walked forward, searching for Derek. She didn't notice when she walked into the chest of a well-dressed man. "Hey stranger," he said, extending a hand to Meredith who was on the ground.

"Derek!" she exclaimed taking his hand, pulling until she was off the floor, then jumping into his arms.

"Hi," he replied, throwing his arms around her center.

Meredith took a step back, examining her best friend after about six months apart. "You're skinny," she commented.

Derek looked at his friend. "I shouldn't be…I swear all Rose eats is junk and she forces me to eat it."

"I did the same thing," she shrugged, "you never complained."

"Yeah but when I say junk I mean candy. You just eat crap…way to easy heart attack crap."

"Ew. How can she only eat candy?"

Derek shrugged, wrapping an arm around Meredith's shoulders and grabbing her bag. She wrapped the arm that wasn't holding her purse around his waist as they walked through the airport. She really hoped he couldn't feel her heart beating out of her chest at his embrace. Somehow his embrace seemed to always make her feel better, safe…loved.

"_Meri?" young Derek Shepherd called into his new best friend's house. He continued into her room finding his best friend curled into a ball in the corner of her pink room, her blonde hair flowing around her tiny form. _

"_Go away," she whispered into her knees. _

"_No," he insisted sitting next to her. They sat silently for minutes. _

"_My daddy's gone," Meredith whispered putting her head on her friend's shoulder. Derek wrapped an arm around her pulling her into his tiny chest. "He told me that he wasn't coming home…and he said I couldn't go with him."_

"_My dad could be you dad," Derek nodded._

"_Really?" she asked, her bright green eyes, glistening with tears looking up at him. He bobbed his head up and down eagerly. _

"_He's already gots 5 kids but I bet he'd like another one," he promised. "He said that he really likes you after I broughts you to my house a lot."_

"_Really?" she whispered._

"_Yup," he promised, giving his best friend a tight bear hug. "My daddy says bear hugs make people feel better," Derek told her seriously. Suddenly her tears stopped and she unwrapped her arms from her knees and let her legs stretch out. Hugging her best friend, she smiled a little, believing that she didn't really loose a father but gained a new one._

***

"Welcome to Casa de Shepherd," Derek said as they walked into his trailer. Seeing a brown haired woman sitting on his bed startled him. "Rose, what are you doing here?"

"Hi honey!" she said walking towards him, ignoring Meredith, and wrapping her arms around his neck to kiss him. Meredith cringed inwardly, jealousy pinging in her heart…well brain.

"Hi Rose," Meredith said, trying to break the kiss.

"Meredith," she smiled still latched on to Derek's arm.

"Rose, I was kinda planning on just spending some time with Meredith today," he told her cautiously.

"But you said we could all have lunch today," she pouted.

"I specifically said that Meredith was coming today and I couldn't have lunch with you today."

"You don't mind if I tag along, right Meredith?" Rose smiled sweetly, turning to her boyfriend's friend.

"Oh…I mean…um if Derek is okay with it then..."

"Perfect!" she exclaimed happily.

"Rose I actually wanted to spend time with Meredith…alone. I haven't seen her in six months," he emphasized months.

"Fine," Rose huffed, storming out of the trailer.

"You could of let her come with us," Meredith said.

"You don't want to spend time with your best friend?" he feigned hurt.

"Well now I'm not so sure he's not an axe murderer because of this beard," she laughed petting his face where a thick black beard sat.

"You don't like it?" he frowned stroking his cheek.

"Der, you know I love you right?" Meredith said with much difficulty, hiding the fact that it wasn't family love so much as…love love.

"Um…yeah."

"Well, sometimes we've got to come out and tell the people we love the truth. You're beard makes you look like a creepy woods man that's going to bring people out here and kill them," she remarked seriously.

"Thanks Mer," he retorted sarcastically. "I like it."

"Looks like you're going rogue," she muttered under her breath.

"I'm going to ignore that," he said. "Come on, I have to show you something," Derek grabbed her hand, effectively dragging her along after him. They trekked through woods, and up a hill.

"It's times like these when I think you're going to kill me."

He laughed. "Shut up Mer."

They walked a few feet further before stopping. "Wow," she said, eyes wide open.

"I never got a chance to show you this before…this is the reason I bought all this land."

"Wow…" Meredith repeated, admiring the view. Off the cliff you could see all the lights of the city, glistening in the darkness and dreariness of Seattle.

"I want to build a house at some point, up here," he told her. "When I find the right girl."

"Rose?"

"Maybe," Derek lied, it wasn't Rose. It wouldn't be the girl after Rose…it had to be Meredith.

"Will you ever settle down Derek? You're 36. You've only been close once with-"

"Don't say it," he growled.

"With Annabel," she continued, knowing he needed to hear it.

"Mer-"

"Then," she proceeded, ignoring his objections, "you ran. You picked up and ran Derek. You came out here and that was it. You didn't tell your family. You didn't tell me…"

Hearing the sadness in her voice Derek took a step forward, enveloping her in his arms. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you," he whispered into her hair.

"Why did you do it?"

"I needed to get away…"

"Derek, you were distant for a year out of the three that you were dating. You had to know something would happen. I mean you never went home… you were always at the hospital. Hell, Annabel asked if you were sleeping with me," this caught Derek's attention. "Every time I asked you about it you brushed it off. What was wrong?"

"I fell out of love with her," he admitted quietly. "I just couldn't end it. I mean it still hurt that she had the audacity to go out and screw other guys when we were still together but… I really moved out here to get away from…life. I needed space."

"From who?"

"No one in particular," he lied. Really he needed space from Meredith. One relationship was over. He knew he'd never really be serious about anyone but his Mer…so he ran, taking time to think. There was a line, a boundary… between friends and…more than friends. He ran to think about how to cross it because he really wanted to.

Meredith sighed. "Okay enough heavy conversation for the day."

Derek nodded. "I think there's a burger with your name on it somewhere. And maybe a shake."

"Yum," she smiled as they walked back down the cliff.

***

**A/N: I really hope you liked it! It was actually not hard to write, which made me happy. **


	3. Look

**A/N: I found some time to write this. Yay!**

**Disclaimer: So there were lots of sneak peeks shown. If I owned the show I wouldn't have had to watch the MerDer one 15 times…**

***

Meredith drove her rented jeep down the icy, dark streets of Seattle, making her way to the local supermarket to get some food for Derek's trailer. Stupid health nut only had fruit, Muesli, milk, uncooked meat, and some vegetables. Meredith couldn't eat like that. Her apartment was always stocked with what Derek deemed "heart attack food". Cold pizza, bread, coffee all sat in her fridge; take out menus covered her kitchen counter; and cookies, chips and some dip always stocked her cabinets. Since they'd met, Meredith and Derek had their obvious differences. Derek was pretty neat, Meredith…wasn't. Meredith was the girl with pink hair in high school; Derek was her band geek best friend; she ate unhealthily, he was a health nut. Through it all they were still a perfect match.

Suddenly Meredith felt the car jolt in the car and a sharp pain in her leg. She bit back a moan and pushed the door to her car open, checking out what happened. Immediately she noticed the overturned limo that must have skidded and hit her jeep. Quickly she took out her phone, dialing 911 before rushing to the limo to assess damage. A man in army uniform made his way towards Meredith. "Major Owen Hunt," he introduced himself. "Trauma surgeon."

"Meredith Grey," she nodded, "neurosurgical attending."

"Help me get these guys out," he commanded. She nodded and the slowly extracted the two men that they could. Before Meredith knew it, one had an ink pen jabbed in his throat.

"What the hell?" she asked Major Hunt.

"Emergency trache," he answered in a monotone as he began to blow into the pen.

"Do you have some kind of towel or anything? This guy is bleeding pretty fast," Meredith asked in distress trying to figure out how to stop the guy's bleeding. He shook his head no. Looking around once more, she gave up. "Screw it," she muttered shrugging her jacket off and pulling off her shirt. Meredith balled up the shirt and put it against the man's gaping wound. Dr. Hunt stared at Meredith, thinking to himself that she was pretty hardcore herself to take off her shirt in the middle of winter to help a patient.

The paramedics arrived soon after, quickly cleaning up the scene as Meredith and Major Hunt barked out orders, including Meredith's request that someone tow her car back to the hospital because she was still holding her shirt against the man. The ride to Seattle Grace was quick and doctors met the three ambulances. Derek and a blonde, young looking doctor met Meredith's.

"Mer," Derek said, shocked. "You…you're not wearing a shirt."

"Can we stop talking and get this man inside?" she said professionally, jumping out of the ambulance as a paramedic pushed the gurney out.

"Mer, you want a scrub top?" he asked his best friend, her half naked figure making him a little breathless.

She nodded, focusing on her patient's injuries. Derek asked a nurse sweetly to get a royal blue scrub shirt for the attending. Meredith quickly relinquished her hold on the man's side to another doctor as a scrub top arrived for her. Briskly putting it on she followed Derek out of the room. "What were you thinking?" he snapped.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Taking off your shirt in the middle of the street? Showing up in the hospital shirtless? It was completely unprofessional."

"Unprofessional?!" she shouted. "I was saving a man's life! We had no gauze or anything! What was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know, maybe wait for the paramedics," he suggested sarcastically.

"They weren't…why is this even an issue? I'm fully clothed now."

"It was unprofessional and embarrassing as your best friend."

"So now I'm an embarrassment?"

"No I…"

"Save it Derek," she huffed. "I'll be in your office because I don't have a car."

As she stormed off he noticed red wetness seeping from her thigh. "Mer, your leg!" he called after her.

"What?" she asked, still visibly angry as she turned around.

"It's bleeding. Let me look at it."

"No," Meredith snapped. "It'd probably be embarrassing. You'd have to look at me with my pants off."

"Mer please, you're my best friend, I just want to help."

"Fine," she narrowed her eyes as she walked towards an exam room with him trailing behind her.

Derek took out the necessary suture materials as Meredith lay back on the exam table with her pants off. "I'm sorry Mer, I over reacted."

"Whatever."

"Are we okay?"

"Yeah," she smiled slightly as his pager went off.

"Crap," he groaned. "Gotta take this…I'll get someone from plastics to fix you up."

"Okay, I'll be in your office later," she reminded him.

"Got it," Derek nodded, walking out the door. About five minutes later a large masculine figure walked into the small room.

"Ms…"

"Grey," Meredith said looking up and seeing the familiar face of her second best friend.

"Mer?" Mark asked excitedly.

"Markie!" she exclaimed, pushing herself off the table to hug her friend.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was driving and there was an accident."

"Are you okay?" Meredith lay back down, exposing the gash on her leg. "I can fix that and I won't even leave a scar. I'm that good," he answered cockily.

"Less talky more leg fixing."

"Bossy as ever," he mumbled. "So have you seen Rose yet?" Mark asked as he injected her leg.

"Yep… still a pushy, bitch who looks like a horse."

"I don't know why Derek is even with her," he shrugged. "The man could have almost any girl out there… they call him McDreamy."

"He hates that doesn't he?" Meredith laughed.

"Like you wouldn't believe."

"I'll make sure to use it."

"Good…but hell, you're in love with him…"

"I'm…no…that's…"

"Meredith it's obvious to everyone but him."

"Seriously?" she frowned.

Mark nodded. "I've known since college."

"College…am I really that bad?"

"You are really that bad," he assured her, placing a band-aid over her thigh. "Okay, we're done here. I'll just get you some scrub pants."

"Mark…" she called after him as he opened the door.

"Yeah?" he asked turning around.

"You... you're not going to tell right?"

"Of course not," he smiled before shutting the door behind him.

***

Getting bored of sitting in Derek's office, Meredith began to wander through the hospital. Seeing her friend standing with two female residents, standing in front of a nurse's station looking into a patient's room, she walked up to them. "What's going on?" she asked Derek.

"Say it," the short one said smiling. Meredith vaguely remembered her as Derek's friend Miranda Bailey.

"Don't make me say it," he pleaded, his smile just as wide as hers.

"Please. Say it. Say it for me," she paused. "Though it's technically not true yet."

Derek smiled, conceding. "We made a man walk."

"We made a man walk!" Dr. Bailey smiled laughing.

"We made a man walk!" the tall one exclaimed. The two walked away giggling, leaving Meredith and Derek alone. They watched as the man's wife walked into his room tearfully and sat beside him.

"So," Meredith started, "you going to tell me about your day?"

"Let's go back to the trailer and I'll tell you all about how I made a man walk."

"Can we get some cheesecake?"

"Definitely."

They quickly made their way back to his office and Derek grabbed his brief case. They began their journey down the halls of the hospital.

"Derek, Dr. Grey," Chief Webber called after them.

"Hello Chief Webber," Meredith smiled, extending her hand to him.

"How are you Dr. Grey?"

"Fine."

"If you ever want a change of scenery…"

"There's an available position in neurosurgery. I'm aware of this."

"I've tried Chief. She won't budge."

"Think about it Dr. Grey," the chief nodded as he walked away.

"Let's go. I want my cheesecake," she smiled grabbing his arm.

***

**A/N: Hope you liked it.**


	4. Fear

**A/N: I really hope people are enjoying this!**

***

"Good morning Meredith," Dr. Gold said over the phone at the start of their weekly session. "How are you?"

"I'm…confused," Meredith confided in her therapist. For the first three sessions that she's had with Dr. Gold, she said nothing. Just sat in the office. Finally she'd talked and they discussed her mother's death, which resulted in Meredith demanding her chart and storming out of the office. They discussed everything aspect of Meredith's life. Some would call her "whole and healed" but she didn't consider her self so. Now, they mostly talked about the current events in Meredith's life and how she was thirty-six and still never had a real boyfriend. Dr. Gold brought up Derek…a lot.

"About?"

"Derek."

"What about Derek?"

"I love him. Obviously…he's my best friend in the entire world. If anything changed that…I don't know what I would do."

"I know all of this Meredith. What are you confused about?" she asked.

"I…I don't know. I just feel the constant need to kiss him every time I see him give me his signature smile," Meredith sighed, flopping down on the neatly made bed in the back of the trailer. "But… he's with Rose."

"He's with Rose," Dr. Gold repeated flatly.

"I know."

"He's with Rose."

"You know what, I'm not going to do this," Meredith groaned frustrated, ready to hang up the phone.

"He's with Rose."

"Why do you keep saying that?!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air.

"Because if you can't see what is wrong with that sentence, He's with Rose, we're never going to get anywhere, He's with Rose," she stressed trying to get Meredith to realize her point.

"Okay!" Meredith conceded. "So he's with Rose. So what? He's my best friend. She makes him…happy. I want him to be happy."

"I know you want him to be happy. But, you want him to be happy with you. If he's with Rose that means he's not with you. And do you know why he's not with you? You're scared. You're scared to tell him the obvious truth," Dr. Gold said.

"Are you calling me a coward?" she asked, slightly shocked.

"I think you are very frightened Meredith."

"Are you calling me a coward?" Meredith repeated stressing her question.

"What do you think?" Dr. Gold asked.

"I think you're calling me a coward and I am NOT a coward."

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. It's al based on what your mind is thinking on the topic," Meredith could almost see her shrink shrugging through the phone.

"I'm not a coward," she huffed.

"Prove it."

"What?"

"I said prove it. If you're not a coward, tell Derek you're in love with him."

"What?" Meredith exclaimed. "I can't! Derek is my best friend. If he doesn't…he doesn't love me that way…he can't."

"Do you know this as a fact?"

"Well no…but yes."

"How is it no and yes?"

"I don't know it as a fact but I just know he can't," she sighed.

"Why?"

"I'm Meredith…I'm his best friend. He can't."

"Why not? Why couldn't he love you Meredith?" Dr. Gold asked.

"Because I'm ordinary…nothing special."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because it's true."

"Say's who?" she prodded.

"My mother."

"And you've listened to her before about what?"

Meredith sighed. "Nothing," she groaned, throwing an arm over her eyes and falling backwards onto the pillow.

"So why now? I think you're blaming this on the faults you see in yourself…because you're scared."

"I'm not a coward!" she exclaimed angrily.

"I didn't say you were a coward. I just said you were afraid. You brought it to that level."

"I…no."

"You did Meredith. You just need to remember what I've told you countless times in the past, you need to lean into the fear to get a happy ending."

Upon hearing a car pull up to the trailer Meredith jumped. "I got to go, Derek's back. Talk to you next week," she said quickly, hanging up the phone and ignoring Dr. Gold's feeble protests.

"Mer?" he called.

"In here Der," she replied, sitting up.

"Hey," Derek smiled.

"Hey."

"I hope you don't mind…"

"Hi Meredith," Rose smiled brightly, walking up to her boyfriend and securing her arms around him.

Derek's face fell. "Rose wanted to spend some time with us."

"That's fine," Meredith lied. Truth be told, she really disliked Rose. She seemed like a nice enough person but she was clingy and needy. "I actually was about to go take a walk…you two have fun here."

"Mer, you want me to come?"

"I…no. Just a headache. Need to walk it off."

"You sure?" he asked sweetly, breaking away from Rose and walking towards her. They're eyes met, clashing of midnight blue and blue-green. Derek could tell she was lying but he couldn't decipher why. "Are you feeling feverish?" he asked, holding the back of his strong masculine hand to her forehead.

"Really…I'm fine," she smiled. Derek could see right through the smile and knew that if she said she was fine that she wasn't. "I just need air."

"See you later," Rose smiled, waiting for Meredith to leave.

Grabbing her jacket she exited the trailer. She quickly bundled her self up from the cold Seattle air. In New York she never would have just taken a walk but she couldn't stand to be in a confined area with Derek and Rose. "He's with Rose…He's with Rose…" she repeated to herself quietly, reminded of her conversation with Dr. Gold. Meredith continued up the muddy path that Derek had shown her a few days before, brown mud coating her converse. Once she reached the top of the hill she walked forwards, towards the edge of the cliff. Staring out into the night sky she felt alive. The wind whistled through her golden tresses, sending them flying about. Lowering her self to the grassy floor, Meredith sat, absorbing the crisp winter air and breathing slowly.

She thought about what Dr. Gold had said, "lean into the fear to get a happy ending". It sounded so much simpler than it really was. Derek was her best friend. If she told him and he didn't love her back, then their friendship would never be the same. He'd know and it would just be awful. "Mer!" a masculine voice called out.

Turning around she saw Derek hurtling towards her. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"Mer, you've been out here for at least two hours," he told her worriedly.

"What?" Meredith gasped. "No…I've only been out here for a few minutes!"

"Mer, it's 10:30."

"It can't…" she looked down at her watch. It was 10:30.

"Rose went home…I know she's the reason you came out here," Derek confessed.

"No…she…it…"

"You're lying," he laughed.

"I am not!" she huffed.

"Come on it's freezing out here," Derek ushered.

Meredith pushed herself off the ground and walked towards Derek. They walked together down to the trailer and entered the small metal home. "The hospital flooded today," Derek told her as they sat on the small couch of the trailer, pulling a blanked over both.

"Flooded?" she asked, shocked.

"Yup…pipes broke. Webber went crazy. I think he's slipping."

"Hm," she sighed, putting her head on Derek's shoulder, leaning into his side.

***

**A/N: Spoiler for next chapter- Dr. Mathew Levine.**


	5. Jealous

**A/N: Sorry about the lack of updates I just really haven't felt motivated to write and I've just been weirdly tired… oh and my teachers decided to be real assholes and give me a crap load of work including reading the Odyssey and mapping global inequalities…fun right?**

**Disclaimer: Thursday's episode was pretty good…I was expecting more MerDer though. And, I'm kinda through with my obsession with Chief Derek. I think we need to go back to scrubs wearing, surgery-loving, head of neuro Derek and if I owned the show, that would happen.**

***

"Shit," Meredith cursed under her breath, reading the text message from Derek saying both he and Mark were getting pulled into emergency surgery and he'd try to find someone else.

"You okay?" a male voice asked.

"Fine," Meredith responded curtly.

"You sure, you don't seem fine."

Meredith turned around to face the man and was immediately taken back by his physique. He was tall, dark hair, pale green eyes, and completely toned. Suddenly her facial expressions softened. "I um…my friend was supposed to pick me up but he got pulled into surgery," she sighed.

"I could give you a ride," he shrugged.

"I don't know you."

"You could know me," he smiled. "Dr. Mathew Long…Matt."

"Dr. Meredith Grey," she nodded, extending her hand to him.

"So now that you know who I am, want a ride?"

She paused momentarily. Taking a ride from an almost stranger bode well but if she wanted to get back to the hospital any time soon it seemed like the best option. "Sure. Doesn't look like anyone is picking me up," Meredith shrugged.

"Follow me," Matt smiled, leading her towards his car.

"Where do you work?"

"Seattle Presbyterian, Head of Neurosurgery," he said proudly.

"Do you know Derek Shepherd? He's Head of Neuro at Seattle Grace."

"Does anyone specializing in neurology not know Derek Shepherd?"

"Good point," she giggled, sliding into the car.

"How do you know him?" Matt questioned lightly.

"He's been my best friend since I was 5…. he's the reason you're giving me a ride. Stupid brain man getting called into surgery."

"It happens to all of us," he smiled. "Where do you work?"

"I'm a neurosurgery attending in a private practice in New York."

"Oh," Matt frowned, realizing that it couldn't go anywhere with Meredith. "Just here for the conference?"

She nodded. "And a bonus that I get to see Derek…I mean Dr. Shepherd."

"Of course," he smiled. "So where am I dropping you?"

"Seattle Grace."

"Alright," Matt nodded. "How did you meet Dr. Shepherd?"

"Kindergarten," she giggled. "He was scared and alone… I invited him to walk in with me."

"And now he's a fearless surgeon?"

"He got that from me," she laughed. They continued making their way to Seattle Grace, engaging in small talk.

"I'll walk you in," smiled Matt. "I've wanted to see Seattle Grace for a while now."

"You've never seen it?" he shook his head no. "Then I'll give you the grand tour."

"That'd be great."

They got out of the car, walking through the parking lot and entering the hospital. Meredith showed Matt around the hospital, ending near Derek's office.

"I had a lot of fun with you today," he admitted.

"Me too," Meredith smiled. "Thanks for the ride."

"I guess I'll see you around the conference," he smiled lightly.

She nodded, leaning forward to press a chaste kiss to his cheek. "Thanks again," she nodded, disappearing into Derek's office.

***

Derek scrubbed out of his surgery, washing his hands with full concentration. Walking out of the room Derek dragged his ferryboat scrub cap off his head, and ran a hand over his tired face. The surgery hadn't taken as long as he'd expected and he just had to go find Meredith and they could go back to the trailer. Marching around the corner towards his office Derek stopped in his tracks. Meredith was standing, laughing with a guy he recognized vaguely. She kissed the guy's cheek lightly and disappeared into his office. Derek began to walk towards the man, curious as to how Meredith knew him.

"Derek Shepherd," the man smiled. "Matthew Long," he extended his hand, "head of neuro at Seattle Pres."

Taking his hand, Derek studied Dr. Long's face, searching for emotion. "What are you doing here?" he asked as nicely as possible.

"Oh Meredith needed a ride from the conference so I offered."

"Stay away from her," Derek growled.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Stay away from Meredith Grey. She doesn't need complications in her life."

"You can't tell me who to date."

"I'm not telling you who to date. If you were really dating Meredith that kiss she gave you, wouldn't have been on you r cheek. Just stay away from her," gritted Derek through his teeth, pushing past Matt and walking into his office. "Hi Mer," he smiled, his emotion suddenly changing.

"Hey," she grinned back. "How was your surgery?"

"Shorter than I expected. The bleeding wasn't as extensive as I thought and the patient lived."

"That's great Der," Meredith said, throwing her arms around him. He hugged her tightly back. "Let's go home," she yawned into his chest.

"Sounds good," he nodded. "How about we get some pizza and bring it back to the trailer?"

"Derek Shepherd!" Meredith gasped jokingly. "Are you seriously suggesting pizza?"

"Hey!" he countered, stripping his scrubs. "I eat pizza."

"Only when I shove it down your throat…why are you being so nice to me?" she teased, turning to the wall as he began working at the knot on his scrub pants. He might be totally comfortable changing in front of her but she wasn't comfortable with it.

"I can't be nice to my best friend without having my motives questioned?"

"No."

"Come on Mer," he laughed, "lets go."

Turning around from the wall, where she'd been pretending to look at his various degrees, although they were identical to hers, and cards from patients. From his office you could tell that Derek was a well-loved man. He had pictures of family, friends and patients in various areas as well as the cards from families and patients thanking him for their second chance at life.

Derek picked up his briefcase and opened the door for Meredith. They walked wordlessly through the hospital towards Derek's car.

"No ulterior motives?" she asked again, light heartedly.

"No," laughed Derek.

"I want pizza," she moaned as her stomach started to growl.

He chuckled. "I can see that."

"Can you shut up now?"

"No."

"Shut up stupid brain man."

"Can I remind you that you too are a brain man?"

"So what, first you tease me mercilessly about my need for pizza and now you're calling me a man?" she teased.

"I didn't…"

"Just drive," said Meredith, rolling her eyes.

"Yes dear," he joked.

***

**A/N: So not too much MerDer in this chapter…I haven't decided yet if Matt is gonna come back. **


	6. Leave

**A/N: Enjoy! The first part is for those who wanted a little more caveman Derek; just showing you nothing has changed. Just so you don't have to wait for Matt…who may or may not appear again.**

**  
Oh and I can't believe how fast I got this up! Maybe it's all the awesome reviews ;)**

**Disclaimer: If I owned the show, I probably wouldn't be writing fanfiction…so obviously I don't own the show.**

***

"_I had a really great time tonight," smiled Meredith, as Trevor leaned against the doorframe to her apartment. _

_  
"I did too," he smiled, leaning forward too kiss her. Their lips interlocked, tongues tangling between them._

"_Goodnight," whispered Meredith, slipping into her dorm. _

_Trevor walked down the hall, a smug smile on his face. Meredith Grey was the most unobtainable girl on campus and he'd got her. He pressed the elevator button and leaned against the wall, waiting for it. The doors opened, and Derek and Mark stepped out. "You were Meredith's date right?" asked Derek._

"_Yeah um…who are you?" he asked._

"_I'm her boyfriend," Mark but in, earning a glare from Derek._

"_Boyfriend? She seemed single tonight," Trevor shrugged._

"_Stay away from her," Derek snarled._

"_Yes. Stay away," Mark glared._

"_Aw what are you his little lacky?" he taunted._

"_Shut the fuck up. Man I swear I'll kick your ass," said Mark, narrowing his eyes at the other man._

"_Ok, jeez," he groaned. "She's hot but not worth this," Trevor rolled his eyes and pushed through Mark and Derek, stepping into the elevator. Before the doors could close Derek shoved his hand through to stop them._

"_Meredith isn't just another hot piece of ass," hissed Derek. "She's worth anything," he snapped, letting the doors close and walking away with Mark, who opened his mouth to speak. "Don't," Derek frowned walking towards his and Meredith's apartment._

***

"_Derek! Mark!" screamed Meredith from the living room. "Get your fat ass' out here NOW! Right NOW."_

"_Shit man, we're in trouble," Mark mumbled as they slid out of Derek's room, tails between their legs._

"_No shit Sherlock," Meredith rolled her eyes, standing up from her seat on the couch._

"_What happened Mer?" Derek asked innocently, giving his most McDreamy eyes._

"_Shut up Derek," she snapped, sauntering towards Mark. "Why do people think we're dating?" asked Meredith poking Mark in the chest._

"_Uhm well… Derek…"_

"_Of course it's his fault," she snarled, turning to glare at Derek. He smiled innocently, earning a death glare from his best friend. "What the hell did you do?" she shouted._

"_That Trevor clown was walking down the hall and…"_

_Raising her fist, Meredith punched Derek in the chest with all the force she could muster. "He never called me back!" she snapped. "And, stop trying to be an annoying protective older brother!" Mark started to chuckle. "And you," glared Meredith at Mark. "Stop going along with him. If I find out either of you ever did this again, I will not only kick both of your asses, I will tell every girl at this school embarrassing stories to make sure you never have sex, let a lone have a date, again."_

"_Yes mam," Derek nodded._

"_You just called me mam," she stated, narrowing her eyes at him._

"_Uhh…"_

"_Just, shut the hell up," groaned Meredith walking into her room and slamming the door._

"_You're not going to stop are you," Mark stated._

"_Nope."_

"_You're going to get your ass kicked and never get laid."_

"_Who said I was going to get caught?" he smirked walking towards his room._

***

"Why do you have to leave?" Derek whined, wrapping an arm around her waist as he and Meredith walked into the airport.

"Because I have work, and an apartment, and patients," she pointed out, resting her head on his shoulder.

"But you could move here and work, get a house and have patients," countered Derek.

"You're not going to drop that are you?" she giggled, turning to face him.

"Nope," he smiled. "Not until you move here."

"Bye Derek," she laughed, trying to walk away.

Derek grabbed her arm. "Please don't make it another six months before you come visit," he pleaded.

"I won't," laughed Meredith, throwing her arms around her best friend. "I'll miss you DerBear."

"I'll miss you too MerBear," he responded.

"What did I tell you about calling me that?" she asked with a laugh, wiping a tear off her face.

"You told me not to," shrugged Derek. "What did I tell you about calling me DerBear?"

"You told me not to."

Derek laughed. The conversation was all too familiar, mostly because they had it constantly.

Meredith laughed, hugging her best friend again. "Bye Der," she frowned, walking away, towards the security line

She continued through the line, wiping away a single tear that fell down her cheek. The past three years were weird, having to say good-bye to Derek every time she saw him.

For 28 years of her life, Derek was by her side, drinking when she needed to drink, having a shoulder when she needed to cry, and just being there for everything. Not having him around was proving to be difficult but moving to Seattle didn't seem like an option.

***

Meredith watched as the plane descended through the New York sunset. Light glistened off the top of the highest buildings and night-lights began to illuminate the street. Her mood was much different than the last descent she'd taken. In place of the nervousness she'd felt entering Sea-Tac airport, she felt sadness and she missed her best friend.

Even though she loved him, more than a best friend, he was only her best friend for now and she needed that much. Deplaning, Meredith walked through the terminal she heard someone yell her name. Turning around she saw Derek's sister Anna waving her arms. "Ame!" she exclaimed, hurrying towards her. Engulfing the woman who'd been her sister for the past 33 years in a hug.

"Ugh I missed you," groaned Amelia.

"Missed you too…we missed our weekly lunch!"

"You can make it up to me by coming for drinks tonight," she smiled.

"Sounds amazing," Meredith breathed.

"Good. Let's go."

Meredith and Amelia drove to a bar they were frequent patrons of, chatting happily about everything and nothing.

"So," Amelia said as they slid into a booth. "How was Seattle?"

"Seattle was wet," she giggled.

"How's my idiot of a brother?"

"Still an idiot."

"Is he still with that insufferable horse?"

Meredith groaned. "Yes…she is SO possessive and insecure!"

"I know! She was even like that towards me!" laughed Amelia. "I'm his sister!"

"I'm his best friend! I might as well be one of the guys!"

"But…you're not," she reminded Meredith. "You love him."

"Shut up now," Meredith laughed awkwardly. "I have no clue why I told you," she mumbled.

"You didn't tell me. I figured it out," Amelia smiled brightly. "I'm just a genius like that."

"Well according to Mark, Derek's the only oblivious one anymore. I'm that bad."

"Mom doesn't-"

"Mom knows," Meredith nodded, interrupting Amelia. "Mom is all knowing," she giggled, Amelia joining in. "I'm so screwed!" Meredith laughed, downing a shot of tequila as it was placed on the table. "He's my best friend Ame…my family. I'm not supposed to have these feelings."

"But you do," she shrugged. "You can't go back now Mer…you need to lean into the fear to get a happy ending."

"Ugh!" groaned Meredith. "My shrink said that too."'

"Smart woman," Amelia nodded.

Meredith took another shot of tequila, the amber liquid burning her throat as it traveled down, bringing any words she had in her mind to the tip of her tongue as she felt the effects of the alcohol.


	7. Move

**A/N: Sorry about the wait. I was with my brothers and had no time to write!**

**Disclaimer: Chief Derek was fun. Key word "was". I now really want down and dirty surgeon back with his ferryboat scrub cap!**

***

In life, everyone has breaking point, a point at which you can't take it anymore. This was hers. A full week and no OR time. Not one simple procedure. Right now she'd kill for a shunt even. So it was decided. She was going to take Derek's offer and move to Seattle because for an attending surgeon, a week and no OR time was torture. And because just being away for too weeks, she missed her best friend.

"I'm bored," a leggy redhead sighed, flopping down on Meredith's couch. "I haven't had one patient today. Not one."

"Yeah I haven't had a surgical patient in a week. I win."

"You do kinda win," Addison nodded. They were silent, just basking in the quietness of practice life.

"I'm moving to Seattle," blurted Meredith uncontrollably.

"What?" she exclaimed. Since Derek's rapid departure and her joining the practice, Addison had became her good friend. On days she missed Derek or was completely conflicted about her feelings, Addison would take her out, get her drunk and find some unsuspecting man for her to go home with.

"I was offered an attending position at Seattle Grace," she stated, crossing one leg over the other.

"Mer, I know you're not that happy here but, not move across the country unhappy."

"Neither did I," she admitted. "A week Addie. A week and I haven't been near an OR…and I miss him. When I'm here I miss him. And to decide what I want to do, I think I need to be there."

"I get it," nodded Addison whose pager began to buzz. "Drinks tonight?" she called as she walked towards the door.

"Sure," Meredith sighed, figuring she needed a drink.

***

Meredith sat silently on the couch, watching the fish as they swam through the rocks. "Are you just going to sit there?" Dr. Gold asked softly. Meredith didn't answer but continued to stare blankly at the fish. "Anything?"

"I'm moving to Seattle," mumbled Meredith.

"You decided this…?"

"Yesterday," she whispered.

"Can I ask why?"

"I'm leaning into the fear to get my happy ending," she said simply, satisfying the physiatrist's curiosity.

"Are you going to tell him?" Dr. Gold questioned.

There was no response. Truthfully, she didn't know whether or not she'd tell him. He seemed happy, enough, with Rose. Or she seemed blissfully happy. But he probably loved her as his best friend. It made the most sense. "No…not yet," Meredith finally responded.

"Then what was with the 'leaning into the fear to get a happy ending' crap?"

"Crap? You're the one who mentioned it first!"

"Yeah but you're missing the point of it. I meant it originally in terms of Derek. You're scared Meredith. I've told you this before but you _are_ scared," told her Dr. Gold. "You need to embrace that fear, lean into it, because the only thing there is to fear is fear itself. Once you jump, you _will_ land. And it'll be like nothing you ever experienced before."

"I know I need to but…I can't."

"You can. Meredith, when I first met with you, two years ago, you wouldn't have even moved for the chance. You've grown. You can do this. Of this, I am sure."

"Thank you for the vote of confidence," smiled Meredith.

"Our session is over but, I'd like you to meet with me once more before you leave. And if you wish to continue therapy, I can refer you to Dr. Wyatt at Seattle Grace. I think you should but that is something we can discuss next session."

Meredith nodded and walked out the door, feeling a draft from the lobby.

***

Meredith once again sat in her office, staring out to the New York skyline. She sighed. Like the last time she called Derek about going to Seattle, she felt a pang of nervousness. This was a big step, huge. She was moving across the country. It wasn't like moving practices, she was actually moving to the west coast.

Seattle was much different than New York. In New York there was never a peaceful moment. Until about 12am there was bustling traffic, pedestrian and motor. Sometimes Meredith would just stare out the window, watching the peace of the streets. Seattle always looked like that. There was nothing. But, her best friend was there. And that was good.

Picking up her phone, Meredith quickly punched in Derek's speed dial number. The ringing stopped and he picked up.

"You've reached the mental hospital. To be admitted press…"

"Shut the hell up Derek," she giggled.

He laughed. "Hi Mer."

"Hi…"

"You want to tell me something?" he asked knowingly.

"Why do you know me so well," sighed Meredith.

"Spill it Mer."

"I want the job," she stated.

"What?!" Derek exclaimed excitedly.

"I want to be an attending at Seattle Grace."

"Mer that's amazing!" he smiled. "When can you start?"

"I just have to find a replacement for the practice, pack up my stuff, actually move, find an apartment… crap. That's a lot to do," she breathed.

"So…it could take a while."

"Give me three weeks," said Meredith positively.

"You sure? You can take more. That's a lot to do in three weeks…"

"I want to cut Derek!" she exclaimed. "I haven't cut in a freaking week…and this isn't the first time this has happened. I want to cut!"

Derek laughed, to anyone else she'd seem like a creepy scalpel hungry serial killer but he knew better. Meredith Grey was a surgeon. That was all. "Fine. Three weeks."

"Three weeks," repeated Meredith with a smile.

"When do you think you'll come out here?"

"Probably like two weeks," she said skeptically.

"Can't wait," he smiled.

"Me neither."

"I'll talk to you later?"

"Yup…probably tomorrow."

"Ok, when you get here we'll set up a meeting with the chief to arrange your contract but I'll informally inform him of your decision," Derek told her professionally.

"Ok."

"Bye Mer."

"Bye Der."

She hung up the phone, resting it in her purse.

"Hey," Addison smiled, peeking her head through the door.

"Hey. Drinking time?"

"Definitely drinking time," she nodded. Meredith grabbed her coat, sliding it over her arms and following Addison out the door. They walked over to a local bar that they were frequent patrons of.

"I need to get laid," groaned Addison.

"What about that one?" Meredith asked, discreetly pointing to a blonde in the corner. "He looks fuck-worthy."

"He just looks arrogant. You're out of practice at this Grey," she sighed. "I miss the Meredith who could spot a clunker from a fucker!"

Meredith laughed. "I'm distracted…and out of practice. Find one yourself then!"

Looking around Addison frowned at the slim pickings until she saw one brunette sticking out of the crowd. "Ooh that one," she pointed at the well-built man.

"Hot. Go for it."

"You'll be okay alone here?" asked Addison.

"Fine," she smiled. "Go, go!"

Addison walked away, confidently leaving Meredith to her tequila. "Hi," a guy said sitting next to her. She took a shot of her tequila.

"You're ignoring me," he accused.

"Trying to."

"Why is that?" he asked sweetly.

"Uninterested," shrugged Meredith.

The guy walked away crestfallen. She didn't understand why men would always walk away so sadly when there was plenty of other 'hot ass' around the bar. Seeing Addison conversing with the brunette, Meredith decided she could take her leave and go home to start on the list of things she had to do.


	8. Learn

**A/N: Sorry about the wait, I had a huge research paper on three Chinese Dynasties. FUN! Not. Anyways, enjoy!**

***

Meredith walked confidently, side by side with Derek through the doors of Seattle Grace Hospital. The move from New York wasn't half as hard as she thought it'd be considering half the Shepherd family helped her pack up her apartment. The partners in the practice took care of finding a replacement for Meredith.

By some chance Meredith's mother's lawyer called saying that there was still Queen Anne, Seattle, property under Ellis Grey's name. Meredith found out that it was an old Victorian house, which she promptly moved into barring protests from Derek to stay with him. She really had no desire to be anywhere close to Rose. She seemed like a nice enough girl but she was over infatuated with Derek and it was almost creepy.

They walked towards the nurses' station. "I've got to go get an ID and get all my papers straightened out," Meredith told Derek.

"Okay," he grinned. "Meet me for lunch?"

"Definitely," she nodded walking towards the elevator. Instead of going down to get her ID, like she told Derek she was going to, she went up to physic. Dr. Gold had given her the name of a therapist at Seattle Grace who Meredith could talk to. So, Meredith had gone the day before to get her ID, lab coat, and settle her transfer so that she could take an hour to go see Dr. Wyatt and sometime to settle in.

Approaching the door, she knocked softly. "Come in," she heard.

Meredith walked through the door, gazing around the room at the office. Like Dr. Gold's office there were fish and comfortable couches but this one looked more like an office you'd find in a hospital. It was less warm looking. It almost had the sterile feeling of the rest of the hospital with its white tiled walls.

"You must be Meredith," Dr. Wyatt smiled extending her hand to Meredith. She took the gesture and shook back. "Dr. Gold faxed me all her notes about everything you've told her, so we can start right away," informed her Dr. Wyatt. "So, how are you after this big move?"

"Fine," nodded Meredith, folding her hands in her lap.

"Fine, fine?"

"It wasn't a big deal," she shrugged. "I only have Derek's family back east and one good friend. Otherwise, I have Derek. Those are my people. So, yes. My move out here was fine, fine."

"Ok," said Dr. Wyatt in a monotone. "So, how are things with…" she trailed off, looking down at her notes. "Derek'?"

"They're great," she smiled falsely.

"Meredith," Dr. Wyatt chastised. "The point of therapy is not to lie but to get help through truth."

"He's my best friend. We're always great."

"Lie."

"I'm not lying!"

"Bullshit," shrugged Dr. Wyatt.

"Aren't shrinks supposed to be nice?"

"They're supposed to be truthful. And Meredith, from Dr. Gold's notes, and my quick observations, you need to make a decision. Either, you need to reconcile to the fact that he's with Rose, or actually be pro active and tell him."

"I know!" she exclaimed. "Don't you think I know? Dr. Gold has been telling me this for years…but I can't risk our friendship."

"But, what if he feels the same way you do?"

"What if he doesn't?"

"What if he does?"

Meredith looked at her, getting a bit annoyed with herself for not being able to do this. "I'll see you next week," she said quietly, getting up and leaving the room.

With everyone telling her, pressuring her to tell him, she felt like she was suffocating. They didn't understand that Derek was her lifeline. He rescued her when they were five. If she told him and he didn't love her back, they'd never get over it. Checking her watch, Meredith noticed it was lunch time and texted Derek to meet her in the cafeteria. Walking there she looked around at her new colleagues. She noticed the nurses all stealing glances at her. Derek did warn her that they were gossipy.

"Meredith!" a female voice called to her.

She turned around to see Rose walking towards her. "Um…hi Rose."

"I've been meaning to get you alone," she smiled falsely.

"What do you need?"

Rose took two steps closer. "Listen up," she snarled. "I love Derek. I mean who wouldn't? He's brilliant, handsome, and rich. He's a great catch."

Meredith frowned a little. He was definitely brilliant and completely McDreamy, but the mention of his wealth made her feel uneasy, like Rose was a gold digger.

"Everyone knows how you feel about him," Rose said. "And it's obvious how he feels about you. But, he's mine so you better back off."

"Listen here," snapped Meredith. She was about to continue when she noticed Derek sauntering down the hall. "Hey," she smiled as he approached them.

"Hi," he smiled, kissing the top of Meredith's head.

"Hey baby," Rose purred, pulling him in for a kiss.

"Not here Rose," he groaned. "We having lunch Mer?" asked Derek.

"Actually, I'll let you have lunch with your girlfriend," she smiled, backing away from them. "I have some stuff to do."

One she was out of sight, she began to bolt down the halls until she came to the staircase leading to the roof. She climbed and climbed until she felt the cool Seattle breeze hit her face. As she walked out to the end of the roof, she felt her breath hitch in her throat and she began to hyperventilate. Rose said that he feels something about her.

Could he actually have the same feelings she'd been having for years? Could all of her internal torture be over nothing? Did they waste ten years? She sat, trying to control her breathing and the tears until her pager beeped 911. Quickly she dashed down to the pit, wiping the tears from her eyes, to find Derek and Chief Webber already standing there.

"You paged," she breathed.

"Priority case coming in," the Chief told her, passing her a sheet. She placed it on the table while she grabbed a yellow trauma gown and slipped her arms through as Derek reached to tie the strings on the back. They made their way out to the ambulance bay. Meredith followed closely behind the Chief and Derek, reading the sheet.

"Chief, PDR? What does that mean?" she asked.

He turned back to her. "Prisoner. Death row."

***

**A/N: Kinda short but, I wanted to end it there.**

**Oh and IMPORTANT: I have a newish Fic, Come Back to Me. It's really Unlikely Lovers, re-done. It didn't get as much love as my fics usually do…I've been telling myself that it's because people haven't discovered it…so go discover it!**


	9. Die

**A/N: I know you really wanted to see Rose put in her place and Derek's reaction to William Dunn but…this is just a little bit of Shepherd History.**

**This is a bit short but, there will be another one coming by the end of this weekend.**

*******

"_Derek stop it!" eight year old Meredith Grey giggled as her best friend sat on top of her, tickling her senseless. Meredith finally got the opportunity to push him off and she reversed so that she was straddling him, knees pressing down on his chest as she tickled him._

"_Stop," he gasped. "Can't…breathe…"_

"_Wimp," Meredith sighed climbing off his chest. _

"_Let's play Chutes and Ladders," suggested Derek. Meredith shrugged as she got up to grab the game off Derek's shelf. _

"_I always win anyways."_

"_You do not!"_

"_I do so! Derek, you suck at board games."_

"_No, I don't. How do you know I don't let you win?"_

"'_Cause you don't._

"_Fine…I don't…but you don't always win."_

"_Yes, I do," she said in a singsong voice._

"_No."_

"_Yes."_

"_No."_

"_Let's just play," groaned Meredith. _

"_Fine," he replied, sliding the box top off._

"_Fine."_

_They played the game but in the middle the doorbell rang and the two scrambled towards the stairs to see whom it was. Mrs. Shepherd opened it before they got down and the door was effectively blocking their view of the person. They seemed like they were in an intense conversation so Meredith and Derek sat at the top of the stairs, waiting for any indication of who the person was._

_It was then that they saw Mrs. Shepherd collapse to the ground, sobs wracking her body. Meredith and Derek ran as fast as their legs could carry them, down the stairs to her side. _

"_We're very sorry," one of the two police officers at the door said before they turned around and walked back to the cruiser by parked on the street._

"_Mommy?" Derek asked nervously._

"_I…can't repeat it…come into the living room, first call your sisters," she said, trying to hold back her sobs as she got off the ground and walked towards the living room._

_Derek knew something was obviously wrong. He grabbed his best friend's hand and called up for his sisters. "Kath, Nance, Amelia, Cate!"_

"_What?" he heard three voices respond. _

"_Mom needs to talk to us," he replied. Within a minute clunking feet were heard descending the stairs. Eighteen-year-old Nancy was first carrying four year old Amelia. _

_Eleven-year-old Kathleen and fifteen year old Catherine followed her._

"_What's going on?" Nancy asked._

_Derek shrugged. "Mom was crying…and there were police officers."_

"_Oh god," she gasped. "Come on. Let's go."_

_They walked towards the living room. Meredith tried to pull away from Derek. "I should go home," she told Derek. "This is a family thing…"_

"_You are family Mer," Kathleen smiled. "I like you more than I like Derek."_

"_Yeah, you really are," Catherine assured her. "I like you better than Derek too."_

_Derek frowned but turned to Meredith. "Meri, you're my sister."_

"_Ok," she breathed, so honored that the family pretty much adopted her. They continued into the living room to find Mrs. Shepherd slumped on a couch, her hands cradling her face. _

"_Sit down," she told them all, wiping her eyes. Once they were all seated, she sighed. "Two men went into your father's store this morning…and they tried to steal the watch I gave him this year and he refused…" before she could finish, she began to hyperventilate. "They shot him," she finally managed to croak out._

_All the children gasped excluding Amelia who had no clue what was going on. _

"_He's…you know…" Cait whispered, tears falling out of her eyes. _

_Carolyn nodded. "They said it was a quick death."_

"_What is death?" Amelia asked innocently._

_Nancy leaned in towards her little sister's ear, tears falling from her face. "It's like bubba our fish…he died. Dead means that daddy isn't going to come home for a very very long time," she told her, through her sobs, giving her sister a big squeeze._

"_So, when I'm seven? 'Cause that is a very long time from today."_

"_It means he's in heaven, he's never ever going to come back," Derek said before standing up and walking out of the room._

"_Derek!" Meredith called after him running to stand beside him._

"_Leave me alone."_

"_No," she shook her head, wrapping her arms around his neck and squeezing. After a minute, he responded, wrapping his arms around her tiny waist. They both let out a good cry, Derek for his father, his only other male confidant and Meredith for her father of the past three years. _

"_We were going fishing this weekend," he whispered into her shoulder, crying harder. "It was gonna be just us. Me and my dad fishin' together."_

"_It's ok," promised him Meredith. "Come on," she said, letting go of him and taking his hand. "Let's see how your family is."_

_They walked into the living room to find the Shepherd sisters all curled up on the couch together with their mother in the middle. Derek automatically climbed on the end, pulling Meredith along with him. Amelia climbed over her brother and into Meredith's lap. Meredith wrapped her arms around the four year old and rocked back and forth._

"_We're going to make it," Mrs. Shepherd said confidently. No one really listened._

_***_

_The night of Christopher Shepherd's murder, Meredith was picked up by a nanny and brought home. The Shepherds begged the nanny to let Meredith stay but the nanny refused, saying that Ellis was going to be home and Meredith had to be there. Of course Ellis never showed. _

_In the days following, Derek didn't show up for school, which Meredith explained to their teacher. Sunday came and Meredith was allowed to go to the funeral with the family._

"_Der," she whispered, approaching her best friend whose blue eyes were red. Without responding he wrapped his arms around Meredith. "My daddy says bear hugs make people feel better," whispered Meredith into his ear, quoting what he'd told her when they were five and Meredith's own father had left._

_The Shepherd sisters watched the interaction between the two eight year olds. In the moment besides their small statures, you'd never guess that the two were eight. Somehow they seemed very mature. And it was in that moment Mrs. Shepherd was sure that one day Meredith would be an official member of the family, which brought a small smile to her face for the first time in days._

_Derek squeezed his best friend as hard as he could. "I want my dad," he told her._

"_Me too."_


	10. Pain

Meredith looked over at Derek whose jaw was clenched before looking back to the ambulance pulling up in the bay. Two paramedics stepped out of the front seat and opened the doors. Two security guards pushed the gurney out of the truck and the prisoner patient let out a sinister grin. His hands were cuffed down as well as his legs. His smile was bone chillingly sinister.

"How are you all doing today?" the man asked. They simultaneously ignored him and continued into a trauma room.

"William Dunn," Meredith told Derek, looking at the paper in front of her. Having read the rundown on Mr. Dunn, Derek knew exactly what the murderer had done, killing five innocent women. "Mr. Dunn, can you hear me?"

"I can…you have a beautiful voice," he responded. Derek narrowed his eyes, this man was definitely going to get Meredith's sympathy. Mr. Dunn moaned in pain. "Was I stabbed in the leg? It really feels like someone stabbed me in the leg."

"No," Derek said in a monotone. "I've already checked your lower extremities. They're fine."

"Should we add T-spine and L-spine films?" asked Meredith.

"Yes," Derek added. "More films can't hurt."

"It really feels like some one stabbed me in the leg…"

"The less you talk, the more we can work," said Derek exasperatedly.

"Derek," Meredith warned. He ignored her and continued to examine Mr. Dunn.

"It's ok…he'll warm up to me in no time."

"No he won't," said Derek in the third person.

"Dr. Shepherd, that's your name right? You know, we're pretty much the same. When people meet us they're alive but after, well that's a different story."

Meredith secured an oxygen mask on Mr. Dunn and took the x-rays. After informing the guards that they needed to step out momentarily, Meredith pulled her best friend into the hall. "Derek," she breathed. "Can you do this?"

"I'm fine," he snapped.

"Derek, I know you're not. It's ok to have trouble with this."

"It's been thirty years Mer," groaned Derek. "I can handle this," he gave his final words before bursting back into the room.

William whimpered.

"We've already pushed ten of morphine…he shouldn't be in this much pain."

"We don't know that he is," Derek said in a monotone. "He could tell you anything."

"I'm not lying," Mr. Dunn moaned. "This really hurts…could we add just a tinny bit more?"

"We're not here to feed your drug addiction," answered Derek.

"Oh yeah. 'Cause the drug train has been real solid during my last eleven years in solitude," he retorted.

They stood silently until a radiologist opened the door. "Dr. Grey," he said, handing Meredith the films. She put them up on the board and examined them.

"Dr. Shepherd," she said. "It looks like whatever he was stabbed with is still in there….right in his spine."

Derek nodded in agreement. "Does that mean I'm paralyzed?" William laughed a little through his pain. "If I'm paralyzed my lawyer might be able to get my execution pushed back…I've exhausted all of my appeals but this could be my golden ticket."

"No. There is no way I'm going to let you out of here paralyzed unless there is absolutely nothing I can do," Derek told him sternly.

Mr. Dunn's face fell.

***

"I ordered a CT so we can get a better view," said Derek.

"I got an MRI too," Meredith told him.

"We can look at both."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"You know Derek…good people do bad things, people screw up. He's still a person we don't know what crime he committed."

"Maybe he killed a cop. You'd be on the side of a cop killer."

"First of all, I am not on his side. But we don't know what he did. You can't judge."

"Yes but a jury can and obviously they came to the conclusion that whatever he did was worthy of the death penalty," he gritted through his teeth, upset with Meredith for being so naive.

"Derek," she pressed. "Are you really okay to be on this case?"

"I am the head of neurosurgery at this hospital," he raised his voice. "I will be on this case. I am mentally fit to be on this case. Just back the hell off!" Derek shouted before exiting the viewing room.

Meredith sighed and leaned back against the table. This was going to be a long few days.

***

Later that day Meredith found Derek leaning against a nurses' station filling out a chart. "Should I give Mr. Dunn more morphine? It shouldn't interfere with his neuro exam."

"No," snarled Derek. "He's had enough."

"Derek, he has a foreign body lodged in his spine…it's inhumane."

"Killing people is inhumane. Denying morphine is just a judgment call," he said jarringly, slamming the chart closed and walking away.

"Derek. Seriously, this whole being an ass hole thing doesn't work well for you," she admonished him.

"I watch people die _all the time_. I go to families and tell them their world has been ripped apart _all the time_," hissed Derek. "And I fight like a dog to make sure I don't have to deliver that message. I loose that fight _all the time_. And some guy like Dunn comes along and simply throws it away…life. Then he's got the nerve to tell me we're two sides of the same coin?"

"You're not," Meredith assured him.

"He doesn't need Morphine," he muttered, turning away.

"Derek," she sighed.

"Leave it," told her Derek before walking away.

***

He'd killed five women. That's all Meredith could think about as she sat on the couch in her living room. Not only had he slit their throats but he didn't seem to feel remorse and she had a feeling that if the chance presented itself, he'd do it again which made her feel uneasy.

As if waiting for something to happen, she watched the trees through the window for a few minutes as they thrashed in the wind. Her musing was then brought to the cabinet of trinkets sitting in an old cupboard. The light reflected off them sending flecks of color.

Her attention was drawn to the door as she heard a key in the lock.

"I didn't want to be alone tonight," Derek told her, waving the key she'd given him.

"Ok," she nodded as he shrugged off his coat, gingerly hung it on the rack and walked to sit beside Meredith on the couch. She switched positions so she was against Derek's chest.

"Pretty bad day," he breathed.

"All around I guess."

"Sorry I was an asshole."

"No…I get it."

He nodded. They sat silently for a few minutes before Meredith stood up and walked towards the stereo. Turning it on 'Here Comes the Sun' by the Beatles began to play and she began to move her hips to the music.

"Get up," she instructed Derek. He answered with a chuckle. "You can't not dance to this with me! Get your ass over here I'm not doing this by myself."

Laughing, Derek stood and walked beside Meredith and they began to dance around, laughing and giggling until Derek pulled Meredith into his arms, hugging her tightly.

"This will all be over soon," she promised him.

***

_Meredith and Derek lay on Derek's bed, staring at the ceiling. It'd been three weeks since Christopher Shepherd died and Derek still wasn't handling it very well. Meredith slid off the bed and walked over to Derek's CD player that she'd given him for his eighth birthday earlier that year. After pushing play the song, 'Here Comes the Sun' by the Beatles begun to fill the room._

"_Here comes the sun," Meredith sang badly, jumping around. "Do do do do. Here comes the sun and I say, it's all right."_

_Derek cracked a smile and slid off his bed. "__Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter," he sang to her, moving around spastically._

"_Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here," crooned Meredith, looking Derek straight in the eye._

"_Here comes the sun, here comes the sun, and I say it's all right," they sung simultaneously though a fit of giggles. They collapsed on the floor laughing._

"_I laughed," Derek said, astonished. "It feels really good."_

_Meredith smiled at him. "Good."_

_***_

**A/N: Couldn't help my self with the last little part!**


	11. Talk

"Mr. Dunn," Derek said, walking into the room with Meredith behind him. "The swelling in your brain is increasing rapidly. I really suggest you consent to surgery."

"Have you ever seen the inside of a maximum security prison?" asked Mr. Dunn. Derek shook his head no. "Believe me, if you have to die, this is the place to do it, in good company," he smiled wryly, staring at Meredith making her shiver, his stone cold eyes, piercing.

Derek sucked in a sharp breath, trying not to punch the lights out of the man. "But, as soon as you go unconscious, I can rush you straight into surgery."

"Can he do that?" Mr. Dunn questioned Meredith.

Meredith nodded. "When you're unconscious and can no longer make sound medical decisions, a two doctor consent is all that is needed to treat you."

Derek flounced out of the room followed by Meredith. "An orderly will bring him up to CT," he told her. They walked out to the nearest nurses' station, silently. Derek pulled out his blackberry and dialed an unfamiliar number.

Meredith gave him a bemused look. He held up a finger to her effectively shutting her up. She mouthed 'I'll be right back' before running towards the bathroom.

"Did you find her? North terminal...yes that's the right terminal…no, don't..." Feeling a hand on his shoulder, Derek turned around and noticed his mother. "Never mind. I found her."

"You know, there's a town car waiting for you at the airport," he smiled, hanging up the phone.

"I just took a bus…saved you some money," Carolyn replied.

"This lay over…just happened to have a layover in Seattle?" asked Derek accusatively with a knowing smile, walking with his mother through the halls.

"Well I have always wanted to check out the Space Needle. I understand you can see mount Reiner from the top."

"Ah. Anything else you want to check out?" he smirked.

Carolyn smiled. "So are you going to take me, or not?"

"I've got back to back surgeries ma, you got to give me a little more notice," Derek informed her, turning to face his mother.

"I know. I gave birth to five doctors. I know the drill," she assured him. "I can wait, meet your colleges, talk to my adopted daughter."

"Speak of the devil," smiled Derek, seeing Meredith walk down the hall.

"Carolyn!" exclaimed Meredith, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"Derek didn't tell you I was coming?" she questioned, pulling Meredith in for a hug.

"He didn't," she frowned, glaring at Derek, hitting him square in the chest.

"Slipped my mind," shrugged Derek.

"I know you have a surgery Der, so, go to it, Mom and I'll be fine," smiled Meredith.

Derek nodded, kissing his mother on the cheek and walking away.

"So Meredith," Carolyn started. "How are you doing?"

"Fine," she replied, leading her adopted mother into Derek's office.

She smiled knowingly. "Meredith…you know I know you better than that."

"I…"

"You're still in love with Derek but you don't want to tell him because you're afraid he doesn't feel the same and you'll loose the only family you've ever loved and your best friend. Does that about cover it?" asked Carolyn.

Meredith let out a little giggle and sighed. "Yup, that's about it."

"Meredith," she sighed. "I know my son. And I know you. Tell him. At the very worst you'll have an awkward moment, not talk for a few weeks, then you'll both realize that you can't survive without each other."

"You really think so?"

"I do. But, I'm not so sure I believe he doesn't feel the same way about you."

Meredith sighed. "I don't know…I'm usually really good at reading him but on this…"

"You can't," supplied Carolyn.

"Exactly."

"Ultimately the decision is yours…but, you've wasted 15 years already so, I vote you do it soon," she said.

"Fifteen years," breathed Meredith. "That's a long time…I think the shrink is right, I am a coward…"

"You're not a coward," Carolyn assured her. "You're scared. It's okay to be scared. Being scared doesn't make you a coward."

"I-" she began but before she could answer her pager went off. "I got to go…"

"Go. Go. I get it," she nodded. "Six doctors."

"You'll be okay here?"

"I'll be fine. Go! Save lives!"

"Okay," sighed Meredith, exiting the room. She ran to answer the page. Meredith rushed into Mr. Dunn's room.

"What happened?" Derek demanded rushing in right after her.

"He went unconscious…him ICP is failing," Dr. Parker, the resident, stumbled.

Derek signed the form for Mr. Dunn's surgery and handed it to Meredith. "Sign the form," he insisted.

She hesitated. She thought about the early morning, Mr. Dunn's requests to let him die. "Meredith sign the form," he said louder. She still hesitated, feeling almost bad for the killer. "Meredith sign the form!" demanded Derek loudly.

Being taken back she quickly signed the form and followed Derek out of the room to scrub in while the guards and Dr. Parker moved the patient towards the OR.

***

"Derek," Carolyn called, approaching her son, who was clad in a sweater, jeans and a jacket, alter that day.

He turned to face her. "Yes?"

"I'm leaving soon and I think we need to have a talk."

Derek nodded, leading his mother outside to a bench. It was a wet evening, but void of the usual torrential downpour and wind.

"I know there's something you're not telling me."

He paused. "I'm in love with Meredith," blurted Derek.

Carolyn desperately tried to stifle a grin. "Good," she nodded.

"What?" he asked, puzzled.

"Derek, she is perfect for you. Much better than that insufferable horse."

"Ma!" gasped Derek.

"I spent ten minutes with the girl and she's dreadfully wrong for you," she told him. "Meredith, on the other hand, is perfect. She's smart, witty, not to mention, beautiful and she's not afraid to call you on your crap."

"I…"

"You don't want to mess up your friendship," she interrupted. Derek nodded. "I know Meredith. And I know you. Tell her At the very worst you'll have an awkward moment, not talk for a few weeks, then you'll both realize that you can't survive without each other," Carolyn repeated exactly what she'd told Meredith just hours before, with a smile. They were in love with each other but they'd just have to work up the courage to tell each other.

"You think so?"

"I know it. But, I don't know that she doesn't feel the same."

"You think she does?" he asked, semi hopefully Carolyn shrugged.

"Hey!" they heard called out. Turning they saw Meredith walking towards them.

Derek immediately smiled. "Hi."

"You staying over again tonight Der?"

"Yeah."

"What about you Carolyn? Are you staying over night?"

"I am," she smiled.

"Then come with us," told her Meredith beckoning the two towards the parking lot.

***

**A/N: Different than the show, no Jackson…and there isn't going to be as much MerDer tension…at this part. This was a little fillerish but the talking was important. Go Mrs. S!**


	12. Death

"I hear when you die…you smell lemons," said Mr. Dunn, quietly looking over to Meredith who was jotting down some notes about his condition on his chart.

"What?" she questioned.

"My grandfather…when he was dying, all he could talk about was the smell of lemons, for three days," he breathed. Meredith stared at him with a straight face and nodded, not knowing how to answer. "It'd be nice to have a friendly face in the crowd when they…do it," he told her.

She turned and walked towards the door, holding the chart in her arms. He started breathing more heavily and having trouble. Meredith turned around.

"Do you want me to page Dr. Shepherd?"

"He's your boyfriend, isn't he?" he accused. She paused, not turning around.

She ignored him. "I really think you should have me page Dr. Shepherd…you're obviously having trouble breathing."

"He's very lucky. And he has excellent taste."

Meredith felt a chill run down her spine and turned away, walking towards the door. William was definitely creepy. His voice was low and it lured you in. She felt bad for him but also understood that he was just like the men who swept the world out from under the Shepherd's lives, but worse because he did it to five families.

Suddenly she heard him gasping loudly, his breathing stressed.

"I don't want to die," he gasped. Meredith quickly leaned over him and pressed the code blue button.

Derek came rushing in about a minute after. Noticing William's eyes fluttering shut, he quickly checked his pupils. "Let's get him in the OR. Now!"

***

Derek walked into Mr. Dunn's room an hour after his successful surgery. "Mr. Dunn," he started. "Your surgery was successful. You'll be ready to be transported back to Caldwell tomorrow," he told him. Derek turned away and began scribbling notes on his chart.

"You realize Doctor, we're not that different," said William. "Like I said before, we both murder people."

Derek sucked in a sharp breath, trying not to hurt the man and give the judges a reason to sustain his execution. Instead Derek leaned over the bed, staring down at William. "We are _nothing_ alike," he spat. "I try to save people for a living. Sure, they die sometimes, but only after I've done all that I can to save them. You, you killed four innocent women deliberately. I am nothing like you."

Derek turned to storm out of the room. "Who are you trying to convince? Me, or you?" called William after him.

Derek paused momentarily before continuing out. _Who was he trying to convince?_

***

Meredith walked towards the gates of Caldwell Correctional Facility. She couldn't believe she was actually going to his execution. It was stupid. Seriously stupid. Why should she care if he died? He was a mass murderer. He deserved it. But, he was still a person and Meredith decided he needed someone, one familiar face in the crowd of people waiting anxiously for him to 'fry'.

It was still a stupid idea to go though. It was an execution, not a dance recital. She knew it'd be horrible, life changing, scaring but William Dunn was a person. He had a mother, father, a grandfather who died smelling lemons, he was a person. He made some bad decisions that led him to killing five women and not feeling remorse. William destroyed five families robbing them of a daughter or mother or aunt. So, yes, he deserved to die. Just as a person, not an animal.

Two guards let her in, checked her ID and pointed her in the right direction. Meredith thanked them and continued towards the brick building. Once inside she was directed to an observation room, surrounded by other people, most likely the families of the people he killed, there for some sort of closure. Meredith sat alone in a sea of these sad people, watching as William was brought into the room on the other side of the glass. He was strapped down to a table and an IV was inserted into his arm. There was a loud beep and machines pressed the lethal injection into his arm. As the cocktail coursed through his veins, he looked over to Meredith, his empty eyes glaring into her straight ones. William turned his head away, staring up at the ceiling. Slowly his eyes closed and his limbs relaxed. He was dead.

Meredith hurried out of the room, trying to hold back tears. As soon as she felt the cool Seattle air hit her face, she let them out. Sure, she'd seen people die before but only after there was nothing else that could be done. She tried to remind herself that it was good. Justice. William deserved it. But, all she could think about was that they killed him. She tried to save people every day but this almost man was just killed. She neared the black metal gates of the prison and two guards opened the door for her. Wiping away a tear she looked up and saw Derek. He was leaning against his Range Rover just staring back at her. She neared him, wiping the tears off her face again.

"I know you don't understand me…I don't understand me," cried Meredith. "I wanted to show him compassion. That's why I went. That's the reason…and it was horrible," she sobbed, falling into his chest.

"Shh," he soothed her, wrapping his arms around her sobbing frame. He did understand her because she was Mer. She was the crazy girl he loved who had compassion for a serial killer. He held her for a few more minutes, just softly rocking her back and forth. "It's okay," he whispered into her hair. "Come on. I got Mark to take your car home. Come with me."

She nodded and he helped her slip into the passenger seat before slipping into the driver's side himself. "I had to go," she whispered, still crying. "He's a person and…" Meredith sobbed, unable to finish coherently.

He looked over at his best friend. "I know," he assured her.

They sat silently for the rest of the car ride, tears still flowing down Meredith's face. He drove up to her house and pulled into the driveway behind her car. She stayed sitting until he got out and went around, opening her door.

"Come on," he whispered. "Sleeping will help," promised Derek. She took his hand and he led her into her house, taking her keys from her and opening the door. He watched as she silently walked up to her bedroom. Derek sighed and got both of them some ice water before walking up after her. By the time he reached her room she was already under the covers, her head buried into a pillow. "Water Mer," he told her, placing the water on her nightstand.

Derek quickly put on a pair of sweatpants she'd stolen from him and crawled into bed with her. She immediately sought the warmth of his embrace and curled into his arms. While he held his broken best friend Derek tried to ignore how right sleeping with her felt. How perfect it felt. Her breath evened out and snores escaped her nose. Smiling at her adorable snoring, Derek reached over and took two wax earplugs that she kept around out of the drawer. Once in silence, he quickly fell asleep holding his best friend.

***

"No…no!" Meredith shouted in her sleep, tossing and turning. Derek immediately woke up and realized she was having a nightmare.

"Mer," he said forcefully, shaking her to try waking her up. She woke up with a thrash. "You okay?" asked Derek.

"Fine," she whispered.

"What was the nightmare about?"

"Nothing."

"Stop lying," he groaned.

"I…I was reliving it all over again…but this time they were killing you."

"I'm not a PDR."

"I know…but, you're my family. I can't loose you," muttered Meredith, clutching Derek. She knew she wasn't talking so much about him dying as much as loosing their friendship after she told him. "Derek … I…" she started; wanting to get it over with, tell him she loved him while she had any nerve.

"We'll talk more tomorrow," he declared. "Go back to sleep."

She nodded and let her eyes close. She could tell him some other time.


	13. Murder

**A/N: Sorry about the wait, I got a really mean review that was totally off base and it just discouraged me from writing for a few days but then I realized there were plenty more people who liked this so, here you go. So, thank you to all my wonderful reviews.**

**Disclaimer: So, April is scaring me a bit. I mean, she looks like she's going to go postal 'cause Derek doesn't love her. If I owned the show Derek would have a big flashing pin that he could were everywhere that said "I love Meredith Grey" AND he'd have the most shiny wedding band every so no on gets wrong ideas, including Little Miss Psycho. **

*******

Derek sat in his office filling out the extra paper work; he'd never gotten around to, during his free three hours before his second surgery of the day. Being a surgeon was busy and full of surgery but no one ever told him about the paper work.

There was a light knock at his office door. "Come in!" he called.

The door opened to reveal a man most likely in his late 60's clad in expensive suit.

"Dr. Shepherd?" he asked.

"Yes," nodded Derek.

"I'm Jeremy Sloan," the man said, walking towards Derek.

"Sloan? Any relation to Mark Sloan?"

"I'm his father."

"Oh you mean the one who walked out when he was five?" asked Derek deceivingly nicely.

"You know nothing about my family," he gritted through his teeth.

"I actually do. Derek Shepherd," he told him, extending his hand to Jeremy to shake.

"I've been your son's best friend since we were seven."

"Oh. Well, on to business," said Jeremy professionally. "I have an aneurysm and I want you to operate. You're the best so, here."

Derek took the CT and MRI results that were thrust towards him and held them up to the light, carefully examining them. It was a minimally invasive cerebral aneurysm. "So can you do it?" he asked. Derek nodded. "Can you please schedule surgery ASAP? I'd like to be in this hospital as little as possible."

"I'll admit you and see what I can do," told him Derek.

"Thank you."

***

"Mark!" called Derek after his friend in the hallway.

He turned around. "Yeah?"

"You're father was admitted today," he told him carefully.

"My what?"

"Your father has a cerebral aneurysm and asked me to operate."

"Oh, fine," said Mark nonchalantly.

"Mark, you don't want to see him?"

"The man left when I was five. He's not my father."

Derek nodded. "Room 1236."

"What?"

"Nothing. Just...nothing."

Derek walked away towards his office. Even though he refused to admit it, Jeremy Sloan was Mark's father and operating on someone so close to someone he was close to wasn't easy. Reaching his office he found Meredith sitting at his desk. "Can I help you?" he smirked.

"Nope. Just checking in on you and enjoying the privacy of your office," she shrugged.

"Hmm."

"And…. enjoying your office laptop."

"Ah. There it is."

"Got any good cases? I've been trolling for two hours already. I had one patient this morning but, that's about it."

"I'm operating on Mark's father," he told her, sitting in one of the chairs in front of his desk.

"What?"

"Jeremy Sloan was admitted today for a cerebral aneurysm."

"Oh... wow," said Meredith, her eyes wide.

"Yeah."

"Did you tell him the room number?" she asked, the fact that no matter what he said, Mark had a lot of pent up anger at his father, dawning on her.

"Yeah. Why?"

"You're immensely stupid. You know that, right?" said Meredith punching Derek in the chest.

"Ouch, Mer," he groaned, rubbing his chest where she'd hit him. "When are you going to realize your tiny ineffectual fists…aren't ineffectual?"

"When you learn not to be an idiot," she shrugged.

"How am I an idiot?"

"You told Mark his father's room number not stopping to think that a guy with an cerebral aneurysm doesn't need an estranged son yelling at him."

"Mark doesn't even care that his father is here."

"Could you be any stupider?" groaned Meredith.

"What?"

"Of course he didn't tell you he was going to go yell at the man!" she breathed. "That would have been stupid! Under his rugged 'I don't give a shit' exterior, he's like little dog that got kicked really hard in the gut when it was a puppy and never recuperated."

"I…" he started, realizing what she meant and abruptly stood from his chair. "Come on."

Meredith followed him as they cut though the halls of Seattle Grace. As they neared they heard loud yelling.

"You're just an asshole! And now you're shacking up with this bimbo who's four years older than me? Is this a joke?" they heard Mark yell. "And you tell me she's your wife? That's disgusting!"

"Mark!" Derek stopped him. Mark looked to him then at Meredith before pushing his way out of the room.

"I'm very sorry Mr. Sloan," apologized Derek.

"Can you move the surgery up? Today?"

"I have two other surgeries today. They won't be over until ten."

"Do it then, please."

Derek sighed. It'd be a late night but, he'd tackled ten car pile-ups before, he could do it. "Okay…since I'm going into surgery soon, I probably won't be able to explain the procedure later, so, would you like me to explain it now?"

"Yes please," nodded Mr. Sloan's wife.

"Mr. and Mrs. Sloan, Mr. Sloan has a saccular cerebral aneurysm. I'm going to use a procedure called micro vascularclipping involves me cutting off the flow of blood to the aneurysm. I'll remove a section of your skull and locate the aneurysm. I'll use a microscope to isolate the blood vessel that feeds the aneurysm and place a small, metal, clothespin-like clip on the aneurysm's neck, halting its blood supply. The clip remains in your brain to prevent the risk of future bleeding," he informed them. "Any questions?"

"Are their risks?" asked Mrs. Sloan quietly.

"I could get in there and if the aneurysm bursts it can lead to hemorrhagic stroke, permanent nerve damage, or… death."

"Oh god," she whispered, rushing to her husband's side.

"It's alright Hun, I'll be okay."

Derek smiled a little and walked out of the room. As he walked out of the room Meredith pulled him to the side. "Can you do it?"

He sighed. "I can… I've done more surgeries in less time."

"Der, you were on call last night…"

"I'll go take an hour nap in the on call room now."

"I'm going to troll for surgeries," smiled Meredith, walking away.

"Have fun with that!" he called after her.

***

Meredith sat in the gallery, which was supposed to be closed, as Derek began Mr. Sloan's surgery. Derek was visibly nervous. Not visible to most people but, Meredith had always been exceptionally good at reading him, as he was at reading her. It got irritating for both of them when the other wouldn't give up until they talked. But, it was what made their friendship stronger.

But, it was stupid for Derek to do the surgery at ten at night after 2 other surgeries when the patient wasn't in critical condition. He was Derek Shepherd, neurosurgeon and self-proclaimed superhero. It was against his nature to deny a patient something that it was in his power to do.

Meredith watched as he removed a piece of Mr. Sloan's skull and located the aneurysm. The surgery seemed to be going smoothly. It wasn't a very rare or complicated procedure. She'd done dozens before. Suddenly the machines blared. Meredith rose to her feet, nearing the window to watch more closely. She picked up the phone to hear what was happening in the OR.

"Crap," said Derek frantically. "Aneurysm burst. Bring in the doomsday sucker," he ordered the resident, Dr. Kepner. She quickly stuck the suction into the open skull and suctioned the blood out. "Shit," he muttered, trying desperately to evacuate the blood.

Derek stood still and Meredith watched, ready to intervene if she had to. "I have to cut out the frontal lobe," he announced as Mr. Sloan's vitals plummeted. Meredith's eyes widened taking out the frontal lobe was risky. She watched as Derek took out the piece of his brain and handed it to a scrub nurse with a metal container waiting. Mr. Sloan's BP continued to plummet.

"I need to cut out the temporal lobe," he announced once again.

"Dr. Shepherd, he's gone," said Meredith over the intercom.

"Stay out of this Dr. Grey," he snapped.

"Dr. Shepherd," she repeated warningly.

"Dr. Grey."

"Put down the scalpel Derek."

"Just get out."

Meredith walked out of the gallery and walked down into the scrub room quickly grabbing a mask and walking into the OR.

"Get out of my OR Dr. Grey," he demanded, continuing to cut.

"Derek put down the scalpel."

Meredith looked up at the monitors as the BP went further down, almost at the point of no pulse. The machines changed and there was one long beep indicating a flat line.

"Dr. Shepherd."

Derek looked up at Meredith, his eyes ice cold as he called time of death, ripping off his gloves and mask before walking into the scrub room. Meredith followed him out. "Der," she whispered.

"I have to talk to his wife," he told her in a monotone, walking out and slamming the door behind him. Derek walked solemnly towards the waiting room. "Mrs. Sloan," he sighed, sitting beside her in the waiting room. "We did everything we could."

"He's dead…isn't he?"

"I'm very sorry for your loss."

"No," she cried. "No! You killed him! You're a murderer," she exclaimed, walking out of the hospital. Derek sat, stunned and hurt in the hospital waiting room.

"I heard," whispered Meredith sitting beside him. "Come on."

She grabbed his hand and led him towards his office. They passed a nurses' station and Rose unfortunately was standing there and noticed Derek's sullen expression. "What's wrong Dery?" she cooed.

"He's fine," snapped Meredith.

"He's my boyfriend…I deserve to know."

"He's my best friend and I'm taking care of him just fine."

Rose groaned and walked away. Meredith continued to lead Derek to his office, in silence. He quickly changed and she sent him out to get in the car while she changed. He looked broken. His eyes were tired looking and sad. Derek Shepherd was not a murderer and yet he'd been called so 3 times recently which wasn't helping him. She reached the car and drove them silently back to her house. Derek immediately collapsed on the couch while Meredith walked into the kitchen.

When she returned she was holding two glasses and a bottle of Derek's favorite scotch. She handed it to him and he poured glasses for each of them, shoving hers into her hand. Derek quickly downed his while Meredith just nursed hers. He poured another glass for himself and downed it as quickly as the first.

Meredith rested her head lightly on Derek's shoulder, offering him as much comfort as possible. Drinking might not solve his problems, but it'd make him numb enough to relax for a while.

***

**A/N: Two things. One, this isn't, or will I ever write a Der/Rose story. NEVER. In less than 5 chapters, they WILL be together. And plant will go away forever and ever. Two, i don't kno why Unlikely Lovers was so popular and Come Back to Me, isn't when it's the same story but with a different beginning…so if you read Unlikely Lovers and haven't started Come Back to Me, try it!**


	14. Hit

**Disclaimer: Still another 17 days until Grey's is back. This wouldn't happen if I owned the show…I'd bribe the ABC people to play all of them consecutively. **

***

"Get up," demanded Meredith. Derek shot her a dirty look, his eyes empty and cold. "Get your fat ass off my couch."

"What do you want?" he snapped.

"You smell, you're dirty, and I'm pretty sure my car keys are under your ass. And, as much as I love you, I'm not reaching under you right now. I let you drink yourself silly last night but now it's time to face reality."

"I have the deposition today."

"You do. And to go…you need to shower. You know? Like water…cleansing…soap, all good stuff."

Derek glared at her and stood up, shoving a box of lucky charms at her before walking up stairs to get dressed. Meredith shrugged to her self and stuck her hand in the red box, pulling out some cereal. She found there were no marshmallows left. "Stupid health nut," she grumbled, looking to the floor where marshmallows were skewed about.

She didn't feel at all bad for yelling at Derek, knowing when he got mopey, tough love was necessary. Instead of waiting for him to do it himself, Meredith began to pick up the excess amounts of containers and food that were strewn about her living room before calling up to Derek and leaving the house.

***

Meredith looked at her watch, noticing that Derek's meeting with the lawyers should have ended ten minutes before. She hastily scurried towards the boardroom and walked through the open door to find Derek sitting in a swivel chair, surrounded by manila folders.

"How'd it go?" she asked softly.

"They told me my death rate. These are the people I saved," he says mournfully looking at a medium sized pile. "These are the people I killed," added Derek, looking at a big pile.

"Derek. You're the best. You take impossible cases. Most of those people were terminal when they came to you. You were their last chance, and you try."

"It's just so many people," he mumbled. "More than Dahmer, Manson, and Bundy…combined."

"Derek…you're not a serial killer. You're not looking at the big picture."

"This is the big picture," said Derek, pointing to a large stack of folders and rising to his feet, walking towards the door.

"Derek," she sighed, chasing after him. He ignored her and kept walking through the hall.

"Shepherd," the chief called after him.

"Chief…not now," Meredith addressed him. Before anything else could be said a door slammed and Derek was gone. Meredith knew better than to let an upset, angry Derek out alone so she followed him out but found the walkway empty. Sighing, she went back to work hoping Derek would contact her eventually.

***

Approaching the trailer, fuming mad, Meredith noticed her best friend hitting cans with a baseball bat. They were obviously beer cans and he was obviously drunk. Clad in a fleece sweater and jeans, he looked worse than she'd seen him in a long time. His eyes were rimmed with red circles, almost drowning out the blue depths of his usual eyes. They were cold, empty, void of any emotion what so ever. Not like they usually were, warm and inviting.

"You just walked out. I haven't heard from you in hours... I was thinking you fell off your cliff."

"Go home Mer. Just go home," he turned slightly to face her, waved her away, then looked away as if he were ashamed to have her see him.

"Well, how long are you planning on hiding out here?" asked Meredith frankly with a tone of sympathy lacing her voice. Derek looked up at her once more before turning away and picking up another can. "Because that's what you're doing, you're hiding. You made a mistake, he's dead and you can't hide from that…and if you want to know, Mark isn't mad at you."

"I'm not hiding. I'm done. I'm done operating," he told her boisterously, hitting the can deep into the woods, the sound echoing through the trees. "I refuse for my death rate to go any higher… I've already beat out three of America's worst serial killers…why continue?"

"Oh, Ok. So you're just quitting?"

"Yup. I'm Derek the quitter. I'm running away from my problems just like you…" Derek said, close to slurring but not quite there yet. He walked over towards the trailer's hand made porch where more cans of beer sat. He reached for an open one and took a few long gulps. "You wrote the book on quitting. Running, hiding, you've written a lot of books Meredith," he said acerbically.

"That may be true. But I've never run from you…always towards you."

"Oh, hmm, you always run towards me?" asked Derek, amused, walking towards her, beer and bat in hand. "Ha ha."

"Oh just shut up Derek," she groaned. "You know you're lying."

"You…there's something you're hiding," he said accusatively. "You're as readable as the books you write. You…you're just a lying little…"

"DEREK SHEPHERD YOU ARE DRUNK!" she interjected loudly as he hit another can. "And you're angry, and I've been there so I get it. I wont take this crap from you of all people."

"Just go home then Meredith," he said, looking to the floor.

"No."

"Leave Meredith. Go," pleaded Derek a little more vigorously.

"I'm not going anywhere," she shook her head, holding her ground.

"I SAID LEAVE! MEREDITH, LEAVE!" he yelled, looking into her eyes, his turning green for no reason. She stared back in shock, almost in emotional pain.

It took a few moments for her to gather the ability to formulate an audible answer. "I'm. Not. Going, Any. Where."

"Meredith just go away. I don't want you here," he partially lied. He didn't want her seeing him like this, anyone seeing him like this, but he wanted his best friend there.

"No," she insisted. Derek threw the bat, narrowly missing her, before walking towards the trailer. "Is that the best you've got?" she yelled after him. "'Cause I'm not bailing, we're in this together. Just like everything else in our fucking lives," added Meredith, her voice reaching a crescendo.

"GO HOME MEREDITH," he shouted back, slamming the door.

Pursing her lips together Meredith stormed towards the trailer door to find it locked. "Derek!" she screamed. "Open this door before I break it down!"

"Go home," he yelled back, his voice cracking.

Getting even angrier at his persistence Meredith stormed back to her car. Driving it a few feet forward she stopped closer to the trailer. She hastily flipped on her brights and began pounding the horn repeatedly.

"STOP IT!" yelled Derek, going unheard by Meredith.

She continued for another few minutes before figuring that her car battery would die and that Derek wouldn't come out. She stepped out of her car, pacing to figure out what to do with her drunken, angry, depressed best friend. Remembering the key he'd given her, Meredith dashed back to the car, fished through her purse and pulled out the shining metal key. Racing to the door, she inserted the key.

After hearing the click of the door unlocking, Meredith stepped in to find Derek passed out on the floor in the doorway of his bedroom. Remembering that he'd drunk a fair share of a twelve pack of beer, she rushed to his side, nudging him softly. He moved, showing that he was only sleeping. She also made a mental note that he showed no further signs of alcohol poisoning.

Knowing there was no way for her to hoist him up on to the bed, she took the beer can out of his hand, unzipped his coat, pulled off his shoes and slipped his socks off his feet. Walking towards the bed, she pulled off the comforter and two pillows.

One pillow she lifted his head and slid under, and the other she put beside him. Laying on the floor, comforter in hand, Meredith curled up next to Derek and pulled the comforter snugly over both of them before trying to close her eyes. Sleep didn't seem to want to grace her body. Meredith felt anxious, sad, compassion, sympathetic, hurt, angry, and a farrago of other emotions, all at the same time.

The man she found tonight wasn't Derek Shepherd. Or, he was, just a broken version. Like she'd say, damaged goods. He rushed into surgery, made a tiny mistake and now, Mark's dad was dead and Derek blamed himself.

***

**A/N: So, it wasn't that long but, I really wanted to just stick to 5x17. There were a few references in this chapter that you may not have gotten so, I'll explain.**

**Dahmer, Manson, and Bundy is Jeffery Dahmer, Charles Manson, and Ted Bundy; three of the worst serial killers in a American history.**


	15. Think

**Disclaimer: Just over eight days until we get our Grey's back! I wanna know if there's MerDer or we get to go back to a show about Teddy/Cristina/Owen and Mark. If I owned the show…I'd know already. And, yes. There'd be MerDer… probably about 30 out of the 40 minutes would be MerDer. Hell, the whole 43 minutes would be MerDer.**

***

Meredith woke up with a completely stiff back. Most likely from the night slept on the floor. Looking at Derek she found him still asleep so she took the time to get a wet washcloth and aspirin. She heard a moan escape his lips before his body jolted awake. His eyes opened and stared at her. They were bloodshot and empty.

"You feel like crap, don't you?" she taunted a little.

"What are you doing here?" he moaned.

"I told you I wasn't going to leave," shrugged Meredith, kneeling beside him.

"But…"

"But nothing Derek. You got stupidly drunk and then spewed hateful shit at me for ten minutes."

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

She sighed. "It's not okay."

Before he could answer Derek stood quickly, bending over until he reached the toilet, emptying the contents of his stomach. She crouched beside him, handing him a cup of water.

"You're right…it's not okay," he finally responded.

"It's not."

"I don't know what to say…you're my best friend and I swear I didn't mean it… "

"I've already forgiven you. But Der, you need to take the day, think with out alcohol and figure out if you really don't want to cut."

"Do I really have to do it with no alcohol?" Derek tried to joke.

Meredith nodded. "In fact, I'm taking all the alcohol in this place."

"I'm not n alcoholic Mer…I can, not drink."

"You're on the verge of it from what I saw last night," she said quietly. "Not taking chances."

"Okay," he sighed. He'd been so horrible to her the night before, he could give this to her. He didn't need the alcohol

Meredith opened her arms to him and he slipped his arms around her, giving her a good squeeze.

"I am sorry," he whispered.

"I know."

She let him go, standing and giving him one last smile before walking out the door. Stepping out into the crisp Seattle air, she sighed. He looked so broken and for the first time, there wasn't much she could do to help him. Derek had the tendency to curl into himself when bad things happened and he'd run away and just avoid. Sighing, she slipped into her jeep and pressed down on the gas.

After a very long night on the floor she had to go do three surgeries before she could think about napping in the on call room or going home to soak in a tub. Meredith heard her cell phone ring. Digging through her bag she found it and attached her headset to it so she could drive.

"Grey," she answered professionally.

"Hey Meredith," said Amelia Shepherd.

"Hey Amy."

"Where's my brother?" she asked. "I tried calling him a few times and now answer."

"At the trailer. He's been drunk off his ass for about a day."

"Golden child is getting drunk?" she asked, surprised.

Meredith let out a little giggle and explained the past two days to Amelia.

"He really said that?" she asked, astonished, after Meredith regaled her with stories of the previous night.

"Yeah."

"That doesn't sound like Derek."

"Seriously."

"Well, I was calling to say, I'm moving to LA."

"You're what?"

"Dr. Ginsberg fired me because I wanted to help a patient when we were consulting in LA so, I'm staying for a while. I've got some friends here and I'm gonna finish my fellowship at UCLA."

"That's great Amy."

"Yeah," she sighed. "It's nice and warm here."

"I can imagine."

"So, when are you going to tell him?" asked Amelia, changing the subject.

"Amy, he's not in a good place and-"

"And nothing!" she interrupted. "Mer, you're a better sister than the ones I have, and way better than my brother, so, I'm going to give you advice. Tell him."

"I will I just…not yet."

"When?"

"Soon…ish."

"Meredith Grey!" groaned Amelia. "You need to do it! Not soonish. Soon. You've wasted ten years already."

"Amy," she pleaded. "I'll do it. And you'll be the first to know."

"Fine," huffed Amelia. "And if you don't do it within… a month, I'll be there to kick your ass."

She sighed. "I know," said Meredith, pulling up to the docks. "I got to go. I'll loose you on the ferry. I'll tell your brother to call you."

"While you're at it… tell him you love him."

"Seriously Amelia!" she exclaimed.

"Bye Mer," said Amelia, hanging up. Meredith pulled her car onto the ferry and parked in the spot she was directed to. Usually she'd get out and walk around a bit but, she didn't feel like it. Sitting in the car, putting the seat back and closing her eyes seemed like a better idea.

She knew Amelia was relentless and wouldn't give up until she told Derek. And she would…eventually. Everyone made it seem so easy but, it wasn't. A best friend to in love was a big step that she didn't know he'd want to take with her. The ferry rattled as it pulled up to the dock and the cars disembarked. Meredith pulled her jeep off the ferry and drove the rest of the way to the hospital, her mind continuously on Derek.

Once she pulled into the parking lot she grabbed her bag and slipped out of the car walking towards the hospital. Almost immediately after stepping foot into the hospital she heard the chief calling her name.

"Yes chief?" she responded.

"Have you heard from Derek?" he asked frantically.

"Yes. He needs a day or two off."

"What? Why?"

"Chief," she sighed. "The man just found out he's killed more people than three of America's worst serial killers. Give him time."

"I need my head of neurosurgery back."

"I don't know what to say to you chief."

Dr. Webber sighed; running a hand over his buzz cut hair. "He has two days. No longer. I need him back. Tell him for me?"

Meredith nodded. "I'll see what I can do about getting him back."

"Thank you."

She nodded and turned away towards the attendings' lounge.

***

Meredith walked into the cafeteria and frowned. There was no one she recognized and since Derek wasn't there, she couldn't eat in his office, and eating alone would make her look like a loser. She sighed. Maybe it was time to make some friends. In the middle of the room she noticed three doctors in indigo scrubs sitting together with an empty chair at their table.

Meredith walked with her tray over to the table, feeling like she was in high school all over again. "Hi," she said, to the group. "Mind if I sit?"

"Whatever," an Asian woman shrugged.

"I'm Meredith Grey. Newish neuro attending."

"Cristina Yang. Cardio god," said the Asian one said.

"George O'Malley," said a man-boy looking one with wavy brown hair. He extended his hand for Meredith to shake. She did so, suddenly feeling awkward.

"Alex Karev," the last one introduced himself. "You're Shepherd's lap dog, aren't you?"

"I'm what?"

"You only talk to Shepherd and I've never seen you in the cafeteria before today. You two screwing or something?" asked Alex. "That's the rumor. Or the other one is that you're his adopted sister."

"I heard she blindly gave him a kidney and he gave her sex to repay," said Cristina.

"No…definitely no sex…he's just Derek. He's my best friend…there's no sex… at all…. ever."

"You totally want to screw him don't you!" accused Cristina.

"I…no…definitely no screwing…he's like my brother…no screwing. There can't be sex…. he has a girl friend." she rambled nervously.

"You're in love with him, aren't you?" asked Alex.

"I… um… no."

"Oh you so are. You poor poor girl," breathed Cristina. "In love with a taken man. Just when I start to think you're boring, your rise."

"Just so you know Grey, you're much hotter than that horse face I hear he's dating," Alex informed her. "I'd do you if there wasn't the whole messed up 'in love with my best friend thing' going on in your head."

"Thanks Alex," she rolled her eyes.

"No problem," he nodded, forking a bite of his salad.

"Seriously though. That horse face…how is he with her? Shepherd could have any girl he wants and he chooses a horse with a candy obsession?" scoffed Cristina.

"Seriously," agreed Meredith.

Just then a flash of dark brown hair dashed towards them. "Where the hell is my boyfriend?" demanded Rose.

"Not here," shrugged Meredith as her new friends watched intently.

"Where is he?" she demanded louder.

"I told you, not here."

Alex let out a chuckle.

"I'll go out to the trailer he's probably there," she huffed, turning away.

"He's at my house," she lied.

"Liar," accused Rose.

"I'm not lying."

"Fine then. Tell me where you live. My Dery needs me!" she insisted.

Meredith scoffed. "I'm not telling you where I live. It's personal information. And I've got the situation completely under control," she smiled sweetly.

Rose groaned loudly, almost shrieking and turned on her heel, walking away.

"Yeah, go, run back to your heard!" called Cristina after her. Alex made a loud whinny-like noise and the four cracked up to the point where milk shot out George's nose, which made them, laugh harder.

"You have milk dripping…" Cristina told him, motioning to his face. George waved goodbye before running towards the nearest restroom.

"Ok. You're officially one of us," told her Alex.

"What is this, baby catcher, a high school clique?"

"Pretty much," shrugged Cristina. "And you're in."

***

Meredith trudged exhaustedly towards the trailer. After three surgeries, she was completely worn out. Opening the door to the trailer, she found sitting, reading The Sun Also Rises, his favorite book, on his bed.

"You're not drunk," she noted.

Derek put the book down and smiled at her. "I know better than to face your wrath."

"So…"

"I don't know."

Meredith sighed and flopped down on the bed next to him. "I need you to come back Derek," she pleaded. "I just can't respect a man who gives up a great talent because he's scared and upset. You didn't kill all those people Derek. They just died. But, the people you did save, they got to go on and have a wonderful life. You gave that to them when other people only gave them a few months to live."

Derek sighed. "But I did kill the people."

"No, you just couldn't save them. But you tried. Think about the patient… Mr. Randal. He had six kids and a beautiful wife. He came to you, expecting you to tell him he had three months to live. But, you operated and two years later, you still get Christmas cards from him and his family. Can you really give that up?"

Derek let out a deep breath. "I don't think I can," he said quietly.

"Neither do I. So, you'll come back?"

"I will," he smiled a little at her. "I need a few days though…just to clear my head. I'll tell the chief."

"Good," she grinned. "Now that that's settled, movie?"

"Sure."

Meredith smiled as Derek got up to put a movie in and sat back down next to her. A simple night with her best friend, perfect.

***

**A/N: You'll all love the next chapter ;D**


	16. Kiss

**A/N: All I have to say about this chapter is that, well a horse gets shot…figuratively. Oh, and, sign this petition for EP and PD to be on a magazine cover. www. petol. org/ MerDer (delete the spaces).**

**Disclaimer: Promo…MerDer sex on a table…Chief Shepherd…hot. See, I wouldn't be overly excited if I owned the show because it'd be happening every freaking episode. **

***

Meredith rushed down to the pit to answer the 9-1-1 page. She seemed to be the one every single doctor paged with any type of neuro consult because of Derek's absence. When he was there, it'd be spit between them but, for the day, she was alone with no surgeries on the board so she was plenty open for consult. "What do we got?"

"Corporal Steven Danforth. A tractor-trailer pushed his car off the side of the road. Lost consciousness in the field. Regained minimal consciousness en route and had one grand mal seizure," an ER resident told her.

"Page Hunt," called out Meredith.

"I'm here," said Owen Hunt, walking into the trauma room.

"Looks like he's hemoriging," said Meredith, picking up his eyelids and flashing her light in both eyes. "Get a CT and then prep OR 3. We got to go in."

"Page Torres," called Hunt. "Grey, look at the leg."

When Meredith looked down she saw his leg was broken and the bone was punctured through the skin. "Definitely page Torres," she murmured. "She can work when he's under."

Suddenly machines beeped. "He's tahycardic. Charge paddles to 300. Clear," she called.

Meredith shocked him once and his heart rate returned to normal. She let out the breath she'd been holding in. "Dr. Taylor," she called to the intern hovering in the corner. "Get him up to CT then scrub in."

He nodded eagerly, pushing the patient up to CT.

***

Meredith ran a hand through her hair as she pulled off her lavender scrub cap. She walked towards the waiting room to see if anyone showed up for Corporal Danforth. As she passed the nurses' station she noticed a man yelling at the nurses.

"Corporal Steven Danforth. D-A-N-F-O-R-T-H!" he exclaimed. "Give me some kind of news!"

"Sir," said Meredith gently.

"What?" he snapped, turning to face her.

"Corporal Danforth pulled through surgery. The next 24 hours are crucial but, he could wake up and be fine," she informed the worried man.

"Oh thank you. At least one person here isn't completely incompetent," he groaned. "When can I see my son?"

"He's in recovery right now. When they transfer him to the ICU, then you can visit for a short while."

"Thank you doctor."

"Of course," she nodded, walking away.

***

The next morning Meredith approached the Corporal's room. She'd been on call and was completely exhausted but when her shift ended at four she still had to go to Dr. Wyatt. But, before she could think about that she had to worry about the patient that if he still showed minimal brain function, he'd probably be on life support for the rest of his miserable life.

Before entering she quickly peered in and saw a young man dressed in uniform holding the Corporal's hand and he gave him a quick peck on the cheek followed by a longer one on his hand. _Must be his boyfriend_, Meredith thought to her self as she walked into the room.

"I'm Dr. Grey," she introduced herself.

"Corporal Lee Tanner ma'am," he replied, his grasp still tightly on Steven's hand. Meredith quickly examined Steven and her polite smile turned into a frown.

"What are you doing in here?" an angry voice asked from behind Meredith.

"Just visiting, sir," Lee told Steven's father.

"You're not family. Get out!"

"Yes sir," he responded, crestfallen as he exited the room.

"I know that seemed homophobic," Mr. Danforth told Meredith. "It's just…he's my son… my boy… "

Meredith nodded respectfully. "Mr. Danforth. I'm afraid your son is showing minimal brain activity and…"

"He'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life," he whispered sadly. "My wife died the same way."

"I'm very sorry," she said sincerely. "He left no indication if he wanted to be kept on life support so as his next of kin, it's your decision."

"He wouldn't want to be," assured her Mr. Danforth.

"Alright, some one will be back in a while," she said before stepping back out of the room to find Corporal Tanner sitting in a chair down the hall.

"I couldn't leave ma'am," he told her as she approached him. "He's the love of my life. I never told him. Is he…?"

"I'm very sorry…"

"You don't have to say it," he said, holding back tears as he walked away.

Meredith sighed and walked towards her next patient to round on.

***

"So, it was a normal day," concluded Meredith after regaling Dr. Wyatt of her day.

She sighed. "Meredith, you're obviously aren't getting this," breathed Dr. Wyatt. "Look, let me draw the parallels for you. The tragic patient dies alone while the love of his life is literally in the next room. That's you."

"I…no."

"Yes. It may not be exactly you but, generally speaking. It's you."

Meredith took a deep breath and stood to walk out of the office, a determination now coursing through her veins.

***

Derek sat back on Meredith's couch, staring at the door, waiting for her to get home. He'd figured after being on call she wouldn't drive out to the trailer so he went to her. But, it was seven at night, three hours after Meredith's shift ended and he was starting to think maybe she did head out to his trailer.

He stood up, grabbing his jacket and car keys before leaving the house and getting into his car to drive up to the trailer. He drove to the ferry, boarding then when it reached Bainbridge, disembarking.

Pulling up to his trailer he noticed Meredith's car next to where he usually parked. Derek walked over to the trailer and opened the door. "Meredith?" he called inside. There was no response. Stepping outside he noticed a glowing area on his cliff. With a perplexed look he walked towards the hill, smiling when he saw his best friend, surrounded by a heart made of candles.

"Stupid, corny, idiotic, I can't believe I did this," she mumbled to her self, staring at her phone and pacing. "Stupid, loser, son of a... I could be at home instead of… stupid brain man. "

"Meredith..." he said, moving towards her.

Looking up she scowled. "Where have you been?" demanded Meredith. "I've been waiting and waiting for you! And I did this stupid, embarrassing, humiliating, corny thing. And I was just gonna tell you that, I love you and this is humiliating, 'cause I'm here begging."

"Meredith," he tried to interrupt.

"Shut up," she told him. "I'm begging because, I love you. In a really really big, pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, way that makes me hate you, love you. And, I think we can be extraordinary together rather than ordinary apart. And I wanna be…"

Derek smiled wider than he thought he ever did before. "Meredith," he interrupted forcefully. "Just shut up," smiled Derek, closing the final distance between them.

He placed both hands on each side of her face, pulling her towards him in a searing kiss. She responded, giving into him and placing her hands on each side of his face. Their tongues battled for control, caressing each other's mouths as they shared their first kiss. It was something they'd never felt before in a kiss.

When they finally broke away, breathless, Meredith smiled at him.

"You really love me?" she grinned.

"I do," he nodded.

"I…wow. I've been so scared to tell you and-"

"Me too," he interrupted. She giggled, kissing him again.

"Hmm," he sounded happily. "I have to go."

"What?" she asked, confused. "Why?"

"In order to kiss you the way I want to kiss you… in order to do more than kiss you. I need to speak to Rose. I want my conscience…clear. So, stay here, wait for me," he smiled, pressing their lips together once more before walking away from her. Derek walked down to his car with a huge smile on his face.

He loved her. She loved him.

But, telling Rose was not going to be what he considered easy. She hopefully wouldn't freak out and throw something at him. It was stupid on his part to even start anything with Rose when he was emotionally taken. Rose was nice enough but she'd never be Meredith.

Derek pulled up to Rose's building and walked up to her apartment. He knocked on the door and moments later it burst open. "Derek!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around his neck. He gently pushed her off and looked to the ground guiltily.

"Can I come in?" he murmured.

"Of course."

Derek followed her towards her couch and they sat down. "This isn't working Rose," he told her.

"What?" she asked, her lower lip quivering.

"I can't drag you along anymore."

"But…I love you."

"I don't love you…I'm sorry," he said as kindly as possible.

"No. You're dumping me for that slut aren't you?" she spat.

"Meredith isn't a slut," snapped Derek.

"Yes she is. Stealing another girl's boyfriend…slutty, trampy, hoe-like."

"I tried to do this nicely but you're making it too hard. So, it's over Rose. Goodbye."

As he turned away he heard Rose let out a scream. When he turned around to see what her expression was, a television remote flew at his head. Feeling a sharp pain Derek touched his forehead and looking at his fingertips he found them coated in crimson liquid. Looking at Rose in horror, he ran out of the apartment.

"Derek!" she called chasing after him. "Please, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! I love you!"

"Stay away from me," he demanded, running down the stairs and into the car, his hand still firmly covering his head. Sitting in the driver's seat of his range rover, Derek turned on the car's lights and looked in the rearview mirror. The cut on his head was pretty deep and probably needed stitches. Since Rose's apartment wasn't too far from the hospital, Derek searched for his phone to call Meredith, sighing when he couldn't find it.

Hopefully it wouldn't take too long.

***

Meredith paced around the heart she'd made of candles that was now dull and almost extinguished. It'd been three hours since Derek left and it definitely shouldn't have taken him that long to break things off with Rose. So, her mind was starting to think that he either decided he wanted Rose and they were having sex or, he was in an accident. Neither sounded good to her.

But, three hours she'd been standing. He'd told her not to move and she hadn't. She should, but she hadn't. It was getting really cold and her legs were getting a bit tired. She picked up her phone to call Derek but, there was no answer. As she reached to slip her phone into her pocket, it started vibrating.

It was a text from Mark.

_**Mer, Derek hit in face. Lost his phone. Stitching him up. He'll be there soon. Don't worry.**_

Meredith sighed. Hit in the face didn't sound good. Neither did stitching him up. But he wasn't in a car crash or sleeping with Rose so, a few sutures were fine. She quickly cleaned up the candles before trudging back to the trailer and letting herself in.

Meredith curled up in Derek's bed with a blanket and one of his medical journals. It felt right to be with Derek. Not just as friends but really_ with_ him. They were boyfriend and girl friend or something. And most importantly best friends. No matter where their love relationship went, they'd always be best friends.

She heard a car pull up to the trailer and she smiled. He was back.

"Mer?" he called into the trailer.

"Back here!" she responded. When he came into sight she could see the tape covering his sutures on his forehead. "Are you okay?" asked Meredith, worriedly.

"I'm fine," he smiled, throwing his coat on a chair and sliding his shoes off.

"What happened?"

Derek jumped on to the bed, enveloping Meredith in his arms and kissing the top of her head. "Hi," he said, pressing a light kiss to her lips.

"Hi," she giggled, wrapping her arms around him. "So, what happened?"

"I broke it off with Rose, she freaked out, and threw a remote at my head."

"Wow," said Meredith, secretly laughing inside. "Is it bad?" she asked, running her fingers delicately over the tape.

"Mark said there shouldn't be a scar."

"Oh good…I mean, not that a scar would be horrible or I'd care… just…"

"Mer," he laughed. "I get it."

"Okay."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Meredith latched her arms around Derek's neck, pulling him close to her and capturing his lips with her own. He let out a small moan as her tongue slid between his lips and she moved to straddle his waist. His arms slid around her petit waist and pulled her towards his chest.

Meredith gasped as Derek's cold hand slid under her shirt, running up and down her sides and traveling up towards her lace covered breasts.

"More thank kissing?" she asked against his lips.

"Hmmm. Definitely more than kissing," he replied huskily, pinning her beneath him.


	17. Love

**A/N: Thank you thank you thank you to all my amazing reviewers of the last chapter! It meant so much to me that so many of you reviewed. So, instead of just having an epilogue like I planned, I decided to have a few more chapters… no more than five though. Probably less. I hope you continue to give me love! Reviews make me REALLY happy. I'm a comment whore. Just like Cristina's cardio-whoreness.**

**This chapter is all fluff. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Being sneak free sucks. I wouldn't be sneak free if I owned she show seeing as I'd already have read the script weeks ago.**

XXX

Meredith woke up with a man's naked body pressed against her back with one arm wrapped around her waist and smiled. It wasn't a dream. She'd actually told Derek she loved him and he loved her back. And they were together. She got to wake up in his arms every morning hopefully for the rest of their lives.

Even though she'd never really been in a relationship with anyone before but she knew it would work with Derek. He was different. Not only because he was completely amazing but because they'd been in a relationship for so long. It hadn't been sexual, physical, and they hadn't been knowingly in love with each other. They were like brother and sister. But not in the way that made it weird to actually _be_ with him. They knew everything about each other and were completely comfortable so the sex, love, and kissing just made it all that much better.

"Hmmm," she heard him moan next to her ear.

She slowly turned around in his arms and looked at his half asleep face, rubbing his bare leg tenderly. He was definitely deserving of his nickname, McDreamy. He was quite dreamy. His blue eyes coupled with his killer smile and hair made him irresistible. Derek pulled Meredith closer to him so their bare chests were pressed against each other's. She gently placed a hand on his cheek and kisses his lips softly.

"Good morning," he mumbled.

"Good morning," she smiled a little, kissing him again, softly.

"You're naked in my bed," pointed out Derek.

"I am," said Meredith, nuzzling his chest, her fingers playing with the strands of dark hair on his chest.

"I like having you naked in my bed," he told her huskily, pulling her on top of him..

"I like being in your bed naked."

Derek smiled, leaning in to kiss her softly. She deepened the kiss, tangling her hands in his hair. He tightened his arms around her back, flattening her chest against his.

"I think you're feel warm," he lied with a smile. "You shouldn't go to work today."

"I have to," she muttered as his lips traveled down to her neck, nibbling and kissing. "Saving lives."

"No," he moaned. "Stay home. I'm a doctor and I think you're sick."

"Oh really?" she smirked. "Well then I shouldn't be this close to you… you know, contagious and what not."

Meredith rolled off him, moving away and off the bed.

"No," said Derek, grabbing her arm and pulling her back on top of him.

"Seriously Der," she moaned as he nuzzled his face into her chest. "I have to go to work."

"We just told each other we love each other after years," he pouted. "It's my last day of leave…stay in bed with me and we'll go to work together tomorrow."

Derek looked at her with his trademark smile, brushing her hair out of her face and stroking her cheek with his thumb. She sighed. It was nearly impossible to say no to him when he looked at her like that.

"Fine," she groaned, kissing his forehead.

"Aw don't sound so happy about spending a day naked with me," he said sarcastically.

"I'm calling in," she smiled, kissing him on the lips soundly.

Meredith sat up and grabbed her cell phone from the bedside table. Pressing the number for the chief's office she held the phone to ear. Derek smiled to himself as he kneeled behind her, feeling her up and pressing kisses to her neck and shoulders.

"Stop," she hissed, hitting him in the gut. He pretended to be hurt and all back in pain. "Hello? Patricia, I need to call in sick," said Meredith in a fake sick voice. Derek reached over and pinched Meredith's butt, smiling innocently. She looked at him and scowled. "Stomach flu…I'll be back tomorrow… Thank you. I will…bye."

She turned to Derek who smiled at her innocently again.

"You've been a bad boy Derek Shepherd," she purred.

"Are you going to punish me?" he asked hopefully.

"Oh yes…long, hard punishment."

"I can't wait," he smiled as she climbed on top of him.

"It's punishment…you're not supposed to like it," she said mock seriously.

"Right," nodded Derek seriously, holding back a smile as she settled her pelvis on to his hips.

"No enjoying this," she purred, leaning in to kiss him deeply, nibbling on his lower lip. "You were a very naughty boy Derek Christopher… pinching my ass when I was on the phone with the hospital."

"I'm very sorry," he moaned as her lips moved to his earlobe.

"I'm not," she grinned devilishly.

"Me neither."

"This is nice," breathed Meredith, taking a bite of her pancakes.

Being unable to cook, Derek had told her to just sit in the kitchen area while he cooked so he could have something pretty to look at and some amusing company while he cooked. She'd just giggled and rolled her eyes at his stupidity.

"Hmmm?"

"Being together. Like seriously together."

Derek grinned. "I like it."

"It's not awkward or anything…I thought it might be awkward even if you said yes since we were just best friends for so long."

"We're still us," he assured her, pulling her into his side. "We've been in love with each other for years. All that's changed is that we know and now there's sex and kissing."

"Very true," she smiled, leaning in to press their lips together softly.

"I like the kissing," grinned Derek.

"I like it too."

"And the sex."

"Definitely the sex," grinned Meredith, leaning in to kiss him. "The pancakes are good."

"They are…but I think I'm hungry for something else."

"Well I want pancakes," she shrugged playfully. "We did so much…exercise this morning I need a little refueling."

"Hmmm," he moaned, nuzzling her neck and sucking gently on the skin.

"Pancakes," she moaned trying to force him off. Meredith cut a piece and held it to Derek's lips. He slid the piece off

"Fine. Food first. You…after."

They paused, both just enjoying the other's company and the pancakes.

"I was wondering…" started Meredith. "This is incredibly soon and probably really stupid. We're not a normal…couple so… I…do you want to move in together? I understand if you want to wait but, I don't want to waste any more time with you."

Derek could see the hit of fear in her eyes but he smiled and her fears were put at ease.

"It is fast," said Derek. "But, we don't need to do the getting to know each other thing. I know you better than you know yourself."

"You'd like to think that."

"You know I do," he smiled, kissing the top of her head.

"Hmmm."

"And the trailer gets really cold at night," frowned Derek.

"So you're going to use me central heating?"

"Among other things," he smirked, kissing her soundly.

""What kind of other things'"

"I think you know," said Derek gruffly, pulling her away from the couch and up to her feet. Derek held her in his arms just for the proximity. "I love you Mer," he whispered into her hair.

"I love you too."

"Are we going to be secret at the hospital? asked Derek, tilting her chin up to him.

"You're my boss."

"So, is that a yes?"

"It's a 'let's not tell everybody and flaunt it'."

"I can live with that," he nodded. "Not a secret but not out there."

"Exactly," she smiled a little.

"Okay…but does that mean I can't do this?" he asked softly, kissing her hard.

"No," she moaned against his lips.

"Or this," whispered Derek, moving his lips across her neck to her hear, sucking gently.

"Definitely not," she mumbled almost incoherently.

"Hmmm. I don't think I can resist you."

"Too bad."

"It is too bad," he nodded, kissing his way back towards her lips and capturing them with his own, kissing her hard

"It is."

"I guess I'll have to take advantage now…get it out of my system."

"You will," she giggled as he lifted her off the ground and towards the bed. Derek threw her down lightly, climbing between her spread knees to duck in and kiss her deeply. "Pancakes," said Meredith, letting a moan escape her lips as his head ducked between her breasts.

"We'll clean it up later."

"Hungry."

"Me too," he smirked, pushing her shirt up her stomach slowly, running his fingers along her sides in the process. Pressing soft kisses to her stomach. "Delicious."

XXX

**A/N: PLEASE check out mine and Cheriee's fic "Take Me or Leave Me". We haven't gotten a lot of reviews and it's making us sad. Even if you don't like Mer as a model it's more about the relationship and it's going to be amazing…. We hope. So, just check it out and leave us a comment. It's on my profile… **


	18. Hide

**Disclaimer: I'm totally bored of these episodes that are all Cristina/Owen/Teddy. If I owned the show obviously that would end. **

XXX

"Derek let go of my hand," she hissed quietly.

"Why? I thought we're not hiding."

"We're not…but we're not holding hands either."

"Fine," groaned Derek letting go of her hand as they walked into the hospital lobby.

"Thank you," she smiled a little.

"You're welcome," he groaned ostentatiously.

"Come on Der. Everyone already knows we have some kind of history so it won't be weird if I sneak into your office… for a quickie," she said, her voice lowering at the end.

Derek smiled. "Feel free to do it whenever you want."

"Not too often…then people will get suspicious. And we can't be loud."

"Then I don't know if it's possible. And, I thought we're not being secret!"

"Derek, having a screaming orgasm is what I call 'flaunting it'."

"Fine," he sighed as they walked past the nurses' station towards the elevator. Derek pressed the button and they waited side by side for the doors opened. The elevator dinged and everyone stepped out, leaving Meredith and Derek getting in alone.

"I'm not going to kiss you in the elevator," she told him flatly.

"Did I ask you to kiss me?" he replied, shuffling closer to her. "Do you want to kiss me?"

"I…no…you're supposed to be my teacher. My mentor."

"I'm your sister, I'm your brother…"

"That's kind of disgusting considering what we did last night and you're sexually harassing me."

"It's only sexual harassment if you don't like it," Derek informed her, stepping close to her so his breath was on the back of her neck.

"I'm drawing a line. No kissing in an elevator…at work. At all. Ever. The doors could open at any minute so, no kissing. There's a big fat line," she said confidently.

"So this line, is it imaginary or do I need to get you a marker?"

Meredith glanced at him, seeing his cocky 'McDreamy' smile. She pressed him against the elevator wall. Crushing her lips against his she ran her hands across his face, tangling them in his dark raven curls. Derek responded by pressing his hands against her lean hips and maneuvering them so he was in front of her, pushing her up against the wall. Her lips parted, allowing him to explore the cavern of her mouth with his tongue. A guttural moan was released from one of their mouths. The sound of the elevator arriving forced them to part. Meredith quickly stepped back from him and straightened her hair.

He followed her out of the elevator and towards his office.

"You crossed my line," mumbled Meredith as they closed the door of his office.

"You kissed me!"

"You gave me the McDreamy cocky annoying smile!"

"What do you want me to do, control my face?" he joked.

"Yes," she nodded. "Controlling your face would be very helpful for me not to jump you in the hallway."

"What if I don't want to control my face?" he asked quietly, stepping towards her so close that their foreheads were almost touching.

"Too bad," she breathed.

Derek gave her his best smile and before long he was being shoved back on to the couch with Meredith straddling his waist.

"What happened to your line?" he asked, smirking at her.

"Lines are stupid."

XXX

Meredith walked into the cafeteria alone. Derek had a surgery so she was on her own for lunch. In a corner she spotted Alex, Cristina, and George, her new friends. She walked over to them and sat in the empty chair at their table.

"You have the glow," pointed out Cristina immediately.

"What? What glow?"

"The 'I had hot sex' glow."

"I…no…there's no glow."

"Oh there is," smirked Alex. "You did Shepherd. Didn't you?"

"I…yeah."

"Was he good? He looks like he'd be good?" asked Cristina.

"Cristina!" exclaimed Meredith.

"What? Help a girl out with some details. My boyfriend's shrink is withholding sex…I'm deprived."

"Details aren't necessary," groaned George.

"Shut up Bambi," said Cristina, motioning for Meredith to begin.

"He is good," she grinned widely.

"Knew it."

"It's just amazing."

"Enough chick shit," said Alex.

"Oh you're just jealous," taunted Meredith. "I'm getting laid multiple times a day and… say, when's the last time you got laid?"

"I get laid," pouted Alex.

"Seriously Karev, when's the last time?" asked Cristina.

"Two months ago," he mumbled.

"Jealous," teased Meredith.

"Jealous of you and Shepherd? Not likely. I mean, he probably had to have creepy horse sex with that last girl."

"Shit," cursed Meredith under her breath. "I almost forgot she works here."

"You haven't seen her yet?" asked George.

"No…not that I've been out looking for her."

"Horse at three o'clock," whispered Cristina as Rose approached their table.

"Hi whore," sneered Rose. "Steal anyone else's boyfriend lately?"

"Hit anyone else with a remote lately?"

"Don't be friends with her," she told Cristina. "She's just a whore who'll steal your boyfriend."

"Mer, would you steal by boyfriend?" asked Cristina, jokingly.

"Lemme think…nope," smiled Meredith sweetly. "I have my own."

"See Rose, I'm going to believe her because she's a doctor and she's not a horse," shrugged Cristina.

Rose glared at Cristina and looked back at Meredith. "He loved me. He was probably just mistaken. You'll see. He'll come back to me and tell me it was a mistake to go off with you."

"Really? Then why are we moving in together?"

Rose's eyes widened in shock. "You're doing what?"

"Derek is moving in with me."

"That doesn't mean anything," said Rose.

"I think it does," said Alex.

"Same here. It means big things," input George.

"Very big," added Cristina.

Rose let out a high pitched groan and stormed off.

"She's fucking insane!" exclaimed Cristina.

"Tell me about it," sighed Meredith, taking a bite of her sandwich.

"I can't understand why Shepherd was ever with her. There's nothing about her remotely appealing," grimaced Alex. "And, I've worked my way around a good deal of nurses. I'd never touch her with a ten-foot pole."

"She has the strangest addiction to candy," told them Meredith.

"I've noticed it," said George.

"So what was that about a remote?" asked Alex.

"When Derek broke it off with her she threw a remote at his head and he had to get stitches," she told them.

"Ooh ouch," grimaced Cristina.

"Is she insane or something?" asked George.

"I think so," laughed Meredith.

"Seriously," nodded Cristina.

A pager beeped and Meredith looked down at the black box attached to her hip. "It's me. Lunch time over."

"Have drinks with us one night," said Cristina.

"Okay yeah, not tonight though, I'm helping Derek move his stuff over to my place."

"See ya," said Alex as Meredith rushed off to her patient.

XXX

Derek opened a scrub package and began scrubbing in for his second surgery of the day. He hadn't seen Meredith since he got paged off after their quickie in his office. He took his foot off the pedal under the sink and walked into the OR. He donned gloves and a surgical gown before approaching his patient.

"It's a beautiful day to save lives," he said. "Let's have some fun."

Looking to his scrub nurse for the scalpel he groaned inwardly noticing it was Rose.

"Something wrong Dr. Shepherd?" she asked sickeningly sweetly.

"Nothing," he grumbled. "Ten blade."

Derek began with the assistance of a senior resident. He didn't need the help but it was a teaching hospital so he was teaching.

"Ten blade," he requested again from Rose a few hours later. Instead of feeling the handle slide into his hand he felt the sharp edge dig in to his hand. "Ahh."

"What?" the resident asked.

Derek opened his hand to reveal a puddle of blood. "Here's a tip," he snapped at Rose. "When you hand a surgeon a scalpel, hand it handle first. Dr. Truman finish up for me."

He stormed out of the OR pulling the gloves and his surgical gown off. There was no nerve damage in his hand but he knew he'd need stitches. Derek quickly scrubbed out carefully and put some surgical tape over the wound. Walking up to the nurses' station to page Meredith he saw Mark leaning against the counter.

"What happened to your hand?" he asked.

"Rose."

"I knew she was crazy."

"It was an accident."

"Just like hitting you in the head with a remote? That kind of accident?"

"No… a real accident this time."

"I don't believe that."

"Yeah, well it was."

"I'm just saying…"

"I know…she's a little off but I wouldn't go as far as to say she's insane or anything."

Mark laughed. "I'd say she is."

"Possibly," he conceded.

"So, you want me to take a look at that hand?"

"Mer will do it."

"I'm a world renown plastic surgeon," he argued.

"Meredith is a neurosurgeon."

"Plastic surgeon. Trained for sutures."

"She'll give me sex," shrugged Derek. "Especially since I'm hurt."

"Have fun with that," chuckled Mark walking away.

Derek quickly paged Meredith and waited for her. A few minutes later he saw her jogging towards the nurses' station.

"You paged?" she asked.

"I need you to do something for me."

"What?"

Derek showed her his hand and she let out a small gasp.

"I just need a few stitches."

"Okay," she nodded walking with him into a hallway. He sat down on a gurney while she collected the supplies she needed.

"You want to hear the story?" he asked as she peeled the tape back carefully. "It's a good one."

"Go ahead," she smiled, smearing iodine on his hand.

"Rose kind of stabbed me."

"That bitch!" exclaimed Meredith. "You can have her written up."

"I don't want to do that to her."

Meredith looked at him skeptically.

"No. No. I didn't mean it like that," assured her Derek. "I just mean that I'm the one who broke up with her and then to write her up, probably getting her fired would just be mean."

"Derek, she threw a remote at you and now she stabbed you. Both times you've been in need of stitches. I think writing her up is fair at this point. You could be pressing charges for assault."

"Mer," he sighed. "I'll ask her to get off my service, alright?"

"Fine."

"Kiss?" pouted Derek. "I'm hurt."

Meredith looked up and down the hallway before pressing her lips to his quickly. "Now can I finish sewing up your stab wound?"

"Go ahead."

"You realize this is going to hurt, right?"

Derek took a deep breath in. "I know, I can deal."

"I'd offer to hold your hand but, I'm kind of using mine to stitch your hand," she joked a little.

"One more kiss?"

Meredith sighed and pressed their lips together again before starting on his hand. He sucked in a breath, holding back a moan of pain.

"Almost done," she assured him. A minute later she put down the needle. "Done."

Derek let out a deep breath. "So…do I get a present for being such a good boy?" he asked feigning innocence.

Meredith smiled and leaned towards him, kissing him softly. "Later," she promised.

He sighed dramatically. "Fine. I guess I have to wait."

"You do."

"So, we should get back to work now."

"Probably," nodded Meredith.

"Meet me at eight o'clock in the lobby?"

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Bye," she smiled, kissing him quickly and walking away.

XXX

**A/N: One more chapter and an epilogue. **


	19. Ask

XXX

Meredith walked through the halls of the hospital towards the cafeteria to find Derek. She hadn't seen him since he left the house before her. Four months after they'd gotten together they were still in a happy "honeymoon" stage. They had sex constantly and hardly ever fought.

"Hey!" called Meredith, spotting Derek in the hall.

"Hi," he smiled.

"You want to eat with me?"

"No…no… I have an um thing," he stuttered.

"A thing?"

"A surgery," he nodded.

"You're not on the board."

"Oh…well, I should go see about that," said Derek nervously, walking away.

Meredith threw a confused look after him and walked towards the cafeteria. She quickly got her food and found Cristina and Alex sitting at a table.

"Hey," she said, sitting down and opening her sandwich container.

"Hey," said Alex.

"Hey," said Cristina. "I did a humpty dumpty today."

"Cool."

"Yeah…I'm still on my surgery buzz."

"Lucky. All I had today was putting in a shunt. Fun," she said sarcastically.

"Well, not everyone gets to do humpty dumpties."

"Obviously. And to make my exciting-surgery-less day my dumb ass who I call my boyfriend is acting like a total basket case."

"I got sex this morning," shrugged Cristina. Meredith narrowed her eyes at Cristina. "Oh but, let's hear your problem."

"I just saw him in the hall and he said something about a thing and surgery then stuttered something before pretty much running away from me."

"Maybe he decided he wants the horse back," shrugged Alex.

Meredith glared at him. "I don't think so. After she stabbed him with a scalpel and hit him with a remote…"

"Just an explanation," surrendered Alex.

"He's probably just busy," assured her Cristina.

"Yeah but he was kind of acting like he did something bad. Like the time when we were in med school and he scared off my boyfriend…"

"He scared off your boyfriend?" asked Alex with a chuckle.

"He didn't think the guy was good enough for me."

"He was jealous!"

"I didn't get that then but now I realize. But he was acting the same. All nervous and jittery."

"It's probably nothing," repeated Cristina. "He probably just shrunk one of your shirts or something."

Alex let out a laugh. "You really think he'd get all jittery over that?"

Cristina glared at him.

"I mean…it's probably nothing," he said, changing his answer.

Meredith sighed. She really hoped it was nothing or if it were that he'd talk to her about it.

XXX

Derek stood at the nurses' station filling out a chart.

"Hey," said Mark walking up to him.

"Hey."

"Did you get it?"

"Yeah, I got it during lunch today."

"So, how are you going to do it?" asked Mark.

"I don't know," sighed Derek. "I just know it has to be perfect. I only get one chance."

"Well, you know her better than anyone else so, I can't be of much help."

Derek sighed. "I know. I know. But I just know she's not the roses and candles type of person. That's pretty much all I know."

"Good morning," said Owen Hunt walking up to the nurses' station. He'd gotten friendly with Derek and Mark in the previous four months because he was dating Cristina so they were together a lot.

"Shepherd's proposing," told him Mark.

"Thank you for that," said Derek, narrowing his eyes at Mark. "You're just going to tell people now?"

"You need advice. You may know her the best but, you don't know how to propose," replied Mark. "Hunt, you got any experience?"

"I'm not the guy to ask. But, congratulations. It's a big step."

"Thanks."

Mark cleared his throat and Derek looked down the hall to see Meredith walking towards them.

"So, how what you use, like a twist drill?" he asked Derek, trying to make their talk look innocent as Meredith neared.

"Not if you don't want a partial propriatal hematoma," he replied nervously, catching on to what Mark was doing. They began to fake laugh, Derek laughing especially loudly.

Meredith walked towards them, confused.

"Hi," she said, glaring at Derek, perplexed.

"Hi," he smiled back nervously.

Meredith walked away from them. _Basket case_, she thought.

XXX

"Derek!" called Meredith angrily, storming into their house. He'd been avoiding her all day and she knew it. And when she did see him he was acting like a basket case. "Derek! I know you're here!"

She threw her bag and coat on the floor near the coat hanger and walked up the stairs.

"Derek!" she called out again. Figuring he was in the bedroom she continued in there. "What the hell is wrong with you Derek I swear I'm…"

She stopped talking as she opened the door to see Derek standing in their room surrounded by papers and pictures. "What the…"

"Come in," he smiled.

Meredith took a few steps into the room and stared at him in awe. He wrapped an arm around her waist and guided her over to a picture on the dresser. He'd set up an entire timeline of pictures.

"This is our first picture together," he told her, pointing to a framed picture. "We were going ice skating and mom insisted we take a picture."

"She said we looked too cute, I remember," she grinned, all anger at Derek flying out the window as she looked at the picture. Their five-year-old selves were holding hands and smiling at the camera.

"And this was our first day of middle school," told her Derek, pointing at another picture of them but as eleven year olds. Derek's afro was beginning to puff up and she had long bleach blonde hair. "And this was our first day of high school. I remember mom insisted we take a picture when you came to pick me up and we groaned and complained."

He pointed to the picture with them together in front of the Shepherd's house. Derek's afro was full blown and she thought to herself that the picture could be the last one she had without pink hair.

"Graduation," he smiled, pointing to a picture of them with their arms around each other, both clad in royal blue robes and the hats with the tassels.

Derek turned to his girl friend and looked her in the eyes. "There are a lot more pictures in here but we can look later. I just want to say that I love you. And I need you more than anyone else in the world. I've always needed you. Since the day my father died I've known that," he smiled. "

You helped me get back on my feet and become the man I am today. The person I am is because of you. So, I'm not going to ask you a question. I'm not going to be cliché and get down on one knee so, I love you Meredith Grey. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"And I want to spend the rest of my life with you," she breathed. Derek gave her his trademark 'McDreamy' smile and leaned in to kiss her. They pressed their lips together, Derek's arms going around her waist to pull her into his chest. One of Meredith's arms snaked around his neck while the other gently caressed his face, running into his raven curls. Her lips parted, allowing him to explore the cavern of her mouth with his tongue.

"I love you," she whispered against his lips when they parted a little.

"I love you too," he smiled, resting his forehead against hers.

"So…we're engaged," she stated.

"We are."

"So…I heard about this thing called 'engagement sex'…I figure we should try it out."

"I think so too," he laughed against her lips, pushing her on to the bed and quickly following.

XXX

**A/N: Epilogue is next. **


	20. Never Just Friends

Derek smiled. He was going to marry the love of his life. In a few hours they'd be husband and wife. Slowly leaning over he smiled, seeing her peaceful sleeping face. He placed a kiss on her cheek and one on her neck.

She groaned curling into her fiancé's chest.

"We're getting married today," he whispered into her ear as he brushed stray hair away from her face.

Her eyes opened, looking in to his. "We're getting married today," she smiled.

"You excited?"

"For the getting married, like the actual wedding? Not so much. For being married to you, totally," she smiled, kissing him softly.

"You know most women would say the opposite."

"I'm not most women," shrugged Meredith.

"No, you're not," said Derek, kissing her deeply, one hand resting on her cheek. "And I love that about you."

"Good. Because you're marrying me today whether you like it or not."

"Well, I like it. So, I think we're good."

"You know, we're not supposed to see each other the day of our wedding. It's bad luck or something."

Derek shrugged. "Luck shmuck. We don't need luck. I'm not going to give up seeing you for hours on end before our wedding for a stupid superstition."

"Good," she said, kissing him soundly.

"So Dr. Grey, do you want to take a shower with me?"

"Hmm I don't know…" teased Meredith. "I'm kind of tired."

She faked a yawn.

Derek growled playfully and picked her up off the bed.

"Derek!" she screeched, giggling, as he dragged her into the bathroom. He continued to literally drag her until they were in front of the shower.

He reached in to turn the water on before turning back to Meredith.

"You still tired?" he asked, reaching for the hem of her shirt, lifting it over her head and peppering kisses to her shoulders and chest.

"No," she moaned. "Definitely not tired."

XXX

After showering, getting dressed, and eating breakfast Meredith and Derek sat on the couch waiting until their appointment time at City Hall.

"Mer," he said quietly.

"Yeah?"

"I just want to say something now, before we go to City Hall."

"Go ahead," she smiled, curling further into his arms.

"I just want you to know that I love you more than anyone else in the world. And I'm completely ready to spend the rest of my life with you."

Meredith smiled. "Me too."

"This will sound bad but I don't miss being your best friend at all because well, now we're that and more."

"I don't miss being your best friend either."

"When I called my mom about the engagement ring she told me that you were the one and she'd known sine my dad died."

"We were eight," laughed Meredith.

"She's Ma. She knows all."

"Very true."

"Apparently we're soul mates."

"I don't believe in soul mates," shrugged Meredith. "I believe you're the love of my life but soul mates is a crazy theory. It originates from Plato who said that humans had four arms, four legs and two head but Zeus felt threatened by them so he cut them all in half so we spend our whole lives looking for our other half."

"How the hell do you know all that?" asked Derek with a smile.

"I looked it up a few years ago," she shrugged.

"Hmmm. Well, then, you're the love of my life. Better?"

"Yes," she smiled, kissing him.

Derek looked at his watch. "You ready to get married?"

Meredith smiled. "Ready."

Derek stood off the couch and pulled her up next to him.

"Derek, one more thing," she said, stopping. "I don't know if I ever thanked you. You saved me. We were five but, you saved me. I could have grown up, never knowing a family but, because of you, I did. I had a loving family in place of the mother who I never really had."

Derek smiled. "Mer, you don't have to thank me. I 'm beyond glad. And if I remember correctly, I was the one crying and scared. You saved me."

"We saved each other."

"That we did."

They walked towards the door, hand in hand, ready to get married.

"So, when did you become all sentimental?" he smirked.

"Oh shut up," she groaned. "You killed our moment."

"Fine. No more talking from me."

"Good."

They drove to City Hall in a comfortable silence, Meredith's hand resting comfortably on Derek's thigh. They reached the big building and went inside. There was a short wait but, they waited patiently and the judge went through the legality of the marriage. They said, "I do" and kissed for their first time as husband and wife.

"We're married," smiled Meredith as they walked out of the room in each other's arms.

"We're married," he echoed, capturing her lips. They walked into the parking lot, arms still intertwined.

"Mer! Derek!" they heard someone call out.

The couple turned to see Mark walking towards them.

"Hey," said Derek, confused at Mark's presence. "What are you doing here?"

"You don't think I'd let you two get married without the Shepherd clan and a party, did you?"

"What?" questioned Meredith, perplexed.

Just then they saw a heard of people rushing towards them.

"Mark, you didn't," smiled Derek.

"I did," said Mark as the Shepherd clan in its entirety bombarded them.

"You're married!" exclaimed Carolyn, hugging her son and daughter-in-law.

"We're married," he smiled. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Mark called us and so, we all flew out."

"You didn't think we were going to miss our only brother's wedding, did you?" smiled Amelia, hugging her older brother.

"But, you did miss the wedding," said Meredith.

"We didn't miss the reception," said Amelia, hugging her.

"There's no reception," told them Derek.

"There is now," smiled Kathleen, hugging her brother.

"What do you mean?"

"It's not much but, we threw together a little party at Mark's apartment," said Carolyn.

Meredith smiled widely. "You did?"

"We did," said Nancy.

"Well, lets not just stand here, we've got a party to go to!" exclaimed Amelia. "Get in your respective cars and let's go. The kids are obviously restless."

"They're not the only ones," whispered Derek to his new wife.

"I heard that DerBear," said Amelia, glaring at her brother.

"Come on people! Move!" said Kathleen loudly, shuffling the family towards cars.

Meredith climbed into hers and Derek's car. "We're alone," she smiled.

"We are," he responded buckling his seat belt and putting the car in drive.

"How do you like being married to me Dr. Shepherd?" she asked.

"I like it very much. Mrs. Shepherd."

"Eww no."

"Eww no, what?"

"Mrs. Shepherd. That's not me…not in a million years. I'm definitely still Dr. Grey."

Derek let out a chuckle. "I love you _Dr. Grey_."

She smiled. "I love you too Dr. Shepherd."

They pulled up to Mark's apartment building and as soon as they got out Meredith was pulled away by Derek's sisters to talk.

"Well I feel loved," he said sarcastically, watching as his wife was pulled away.

"If you grow boobs and start liking girl stuff, maybe we'll love you as much as we love her," shrugged Amelia as the Shepherd sisters continued to pull Meredith into Mark's apartment.

"But if he had boobs, I'm not sure I'd like him anymore," said Meredith playfully. "So, he's going to have to deal with me being the favorite."

"Thank you for that wife," he rolled his eyes.

"You're welcome husband," laughed Meredith, walking away with her sisters in law.

XXX

Derek didn't get to be with his wife again until an hour or so later when they were shoved together in the area designated for dancing for their first dance.

"May I have this dance," he asked with a smile, offering his hand to Meredith.

She giggled and put her hand in his. He pulled her into his arms and they swayed softly.

"You don't dance in public," she reminded him.

"I'll make an exception for you," smiled Derek. "It is our first dance as husband and wife."

"Yeah…but after those nights in private, I get why you don't dace in public," giggled Meredith, resting her head on his chest.

"Aren't you supposed to be nice to me?"

"Who said that?"

"Laws of being married."

"And who came up with those?"

"Life."

"Life?"

"Yes life."

"Life can't make rules."

"Yes it can."

"Oh just shut up," she laughed, hugging him tightly.

"Can do," breathed Derek into her hair, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. The song ended and Meredith and Derek wrapped their arms around each other as Carolyn walked up to them.

"You didn't have to fly all the way out here for us," said Meredith as she approached them.

"Oh but I wanted to. You really think I'd miss my only son marrying the perfect girl?"

"Thank you," she embraced the older woman.

"There's nothing to thank me for Meredith."

Meredith smiled and nodded.

"Dance people!" exclaimed Mark changing the music to a fast paced song.

"Excuse me ma. I'm going to dance with my wife," smiled Derek, pulling Meredith back to the dace floor.

"Derek…are you sure you want to dance to a fast song?"

"Oh come on Mer. They already think I'm an idiot. I can't do much more damage," he told her, joining the rest of their family who were already dancing.

Derek danced around his wife spastically as she laughed and laughed, barely able to stand up right.

"Oh come on Mer. I'm not that bad," he said, continuing to dance around her.

"Yes you really are," she laughed, falling into his arms.

"Fine," he sighed, kissing the top of her head.

Carolyn smiled as she watched her son dancing with his wife. A happy few tears fell from her eyes. They were the perfect fit and she could never see him with anyone else. Since the day her husband died and Meredith was Derek's rock she knew that eventually they'd realize that they were never just friends.

They were Meredith and Derek. Best friends. Husband and Wife.

XXX

**A/N: So that was it. Never Just Friends. Hope you liked it!**


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